


Less Talk, More Debauchery

by adwox



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Coming of Age, Fluff and Humor, Gender Dysphoria, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Makeup, Mental Health Issues, Pet Names, Pining, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use, Sexuality Crisis, Texting, Underage Drinking, YouTube, baekhyun is a youtuber and chanyeol is ashamed of his video history
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 06:15:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adwox/pseuds/adwox
Summary: Chanyeol has never second-guessed himself until he stumbles upon a video about self-realization (and makeup).





	1. Beauty Tip #1: Experiment With Your Own Personal Style!

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this is one of the multi-chaptered fics im working on right now!  
> a general warning for this fic: theres gonna be a LOT of sexuality talk, sex in general, occasional mentions of homophobia (internalized or not), and a bit of dysphoria (in presentation). there will also be some drug and alcohol use, future polyamory (with side characters), and non-traditional genders. tags may be updated accordingly.  
> hope you enjoy! -red ♥

Chanyeol considers himself a relatively open person. He communicates with his family, tells his friends what’s on his mind, and even writes revealing songs about himself. There’s very little Chanyeol would ever intentionally hide from the people he loves.

However, the fact that he religiously watches makeup videos online is something he would prefer to take to the grave with him.

It’s not that he’s worried people will judge him, or view him as less of a man (whatever that means), it’s that he’s _scared_. Mortified, even. If people knew he was interested in makeup, he wouldn’t be sure if he could handle even his closest friends asking him intrusive questions. Questions that would go from _“are you watching these to win over your future girlfriend”_ to _“who are you trying to impress_ ” to _“are you saying you’re gay”_ or any other inquiry about his ambiguous sexuality that would leave him feeling vulnerable and anxious. 

 

* * *

 

Back when Chanyeol didn’t dabble much in anything but games and music, he wasn’t even aware that people besides girls and celebrities could wear makeup. It wasn’t until caught his sister, Yoora, mimicking a makeup tutorial video that was created by a man, that he realized that wasn't accurate.

“What is he doing?” Chanyeol had asked her, confused at the time.

“Teaching me how to nail this winged eyeliner,” Yoora replied, not picking up on what Chanyeol really had meant.

“I know that much,” he huffed, and pulled up a chair to sit next to her desktop. “Why is it a guy though?”

Yoora turned to look at him, dumbfounded. “Have you never seen a man put on makeup before? It’s the exact same premise as a girl doing it, the only difference is what they identify as.” She turned back to look in the mirror. “Simple as that. Wow, this actually isn’t so bad! This guy has some of the best eyeliner tutorials, I swear. And he’s so funny, so I think he’s my favorite beauty guru.”

“Beauty guru?”

“People who make tutorials, talk about makeup trends, or post beauty tips. This guy’s name is _Baekhyunee_ , and look,” she pointed to a red subscription button, “he has over 200,000 subscribers. That’s a lot, you know. You should check him out sometime, he’s very user-friendly. He also makes videos in English with Korean subtitles, which is perfect for you since you’re studying English right now.”

“I think I’ll pass,” Chanyeol shot her down.

Yoora had shrugged him off, stating she knows her baby brother well and eventually he would cave in.

Of course, she was right, and a week later Chanyeol found himself searching _Baekhyunee YouTube Channel_ while constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching him.

He went on his page and clicked the ‘about’ section, telling himself that he was only there to see what this guy’s angle was and _absolutely nothing else_.

 

> **Description**
> 
> Welcome to BAEKHYUN’S Beauty Channel! (●´ω｀●)
> 
> NEW VIDEOS every Saturday 10:00am KST / 9:00pm EST / 6:00pm PST!
> 
> Business inquires: [ bbh@baekhyuneebeauty.com ](mailto:bbh@baekhyuneebeauty.com)

 

Below contained links to his Instagram and Facebook, along with the description repeating in Korean. He clicked on the ‘discussion’ tab, and was surprised by the mixed comments. Many people left words of praise and appreciation, some going as far to say that Baekhyunee’s videos helped their mental health. However, not every comment was positive. Many users seemed to have taken advantage of the anonymity of the internet, leaving nasty comments for anyone to see. A decent amount of the negative comments involved stuff that made Chanyeol’s skin prick for some reason, such as threats to beat him up or people misgendering him, and even occasional mentions of damnation and how he “needs help.”

He migrated over to the ‘videos’ section and filtered his videos, sorting them from most to least popular. He told himself this time that he was only going to click on his most watched video to get a jist of what Baekhyunee did, and why people had such differentiating opinions on him.

Chanyeol’s eyes widened when he saw Baekhyunee’s most popular video.

 

> **[KR SUB] MAKEUP CHALLENGE: Full Face Of Using Only Children’s Makeup!**
> 
> 3,126,844 views • 8 months ago

 

Chanyeol grumbled. He could hardly get 30,000 plays on his Soundcloud music, let alone three million.

“The perks of being a pretty boy,” he mumbled to himself as he clicked on the video.

“Hi guys, welcome back to my channel!” Baekhyunee greeted him in slightly accented English, waving into the camera as cute instrumental music looped in the background. Behind him was what was appeared to be his room, a mostly white space with fully stocked acrylic makeup organizers, piles of makeup palettes, and video game posters hanging on the wall.

“So, it’s been awhile since my last makeup challenge video, which, if you haven’t seen, I’ll put a link in the description. Last time I did a full face of makeup using only eyeshadow, but you guys kept requesting me to do a full face in…” he paused to close his eyes and clasp his hands together for dramatic effect, “children’s makeup.” He leaned down to pick up a large plastic bag, and began to sift through it. “I went shopping online the other day to pick out a bunch of kid’s makeup, and when I got to my cart I swear my heart stopped for a second.” The background music came to a halt to create more drama. Chanyeol wanted to roll his eyes. “It was _so_ expensive! I could’ve gotten myself two new eyeshadow palettes and some highlighter, but of course, my viewers come first.” He winked at the camera, and a _ding_ sound effect played in sync with his wink.

Chanyeol realized he wasn’t going to see Baekhyunee’s real personality in his most popular videos, so he sifted through his playlists. He remembered Yoora saying that he occasionally did vlogs, so he decided to go through his vlog playlist. He put the order in chronologically, and scrolled to the middle, stopping at a random spot.  

 

> **[KR SUB] Get ready with me!**
> 
> 943,925 views • 6 months ago
> 
> **[KR SUB] What’s in my makeup bag!**
> 
> 656,241 views • 6 months ago
> 
> **[ENG SUB] STORYTIME: Someone hacked my Kakaotalk!?**
> 
> 419,828 views • 6 months ago
> 
> **[KR/ENG SUB] Q &A: Hitting 150k, Learning English, Realizing My Sexuality, ETC.**
> 
> 1,557,139 views • 7 months ago

 

Chanyeol hovered over the Q&A video. The thumbnail showed a photo of Baekhyun in his room, hugging a pillow, surrounded by question mark emojis and kissy faces. What really interested Chanyeol, much to his disappointment, was the last part of the video. _Realizing my sexuality._

_Figures,_ thought Chanyeol. _I should’ve known any guy doing makeup would be gay._  

Still, he clicked on the video anyway, ignoring the feeling of blood rushing to his cheeks.

“Hey guys, welcome back to my channel!” Baekhyunee greeted, just as bubbly in the original video Chanyeol watched. The main difference was this time, Baekhyunee was barefaced and wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. Chanyeol was surprised how handsome he thought Baekhyun was without makeup on, and the the fact that he was dressed like a plumber couldn’t take that away from him said even more. _Of course he looks good in even lazy Sunday clothes. That’s a natural beauty for you._

“So this is my… fourth Q&A I think? Yeah, that sounds about right.” He held his hands up defensively. “But don’t come at me in the comments if I’m wrong though! As usual with these Q&A’s, I tend to switch languages a lot depending on the question, so I’d put on Closed Captions if you aren’t fluent in both English and Korean.” Chanyeol paused to put Korean subtitles on just incase the question he cared about would be answered in English and he would too embarrassed for his brain to properly process what Baekhyunee was saying.

“Anyway,” Baekhyunee went on. “You guys know the drill. I read the questions you guys left me in the comments section in my previous videos or on my other social media links, and I do my best to answer! Let’s get started, shall we? The first question is from… _Baekhyun’s Lover_? Who is this, my ex?” Baekhyunee, or rather Baekhyun, stopped reading the question to laugh at his bad joke. He continued, this time in Korean. “Hi Baekhyun, in your last Q &A you mentioned you loved musicals. I was wondering what your favorite one is?” He paused for a moment to think. “Hmm… Honestly, there’s so many out there that I love. But recently, I’ve been really into Singin’ in the Rain. _I’m siiiiiingin’ in th-_ -”

Chanyeol slammed his hand down on his spacebar to pause the video, his face burning. He wasn’t expecting Baekhyun to break out into song, and he definitely wasn’t expecting him to have such a wonderful voice. He looked over his shoulder once more to make sure no one heard his small outburst, then swallowed and pressed play once more, skipping a few seconds ahead to ensure he wouldn’t hear Baekhyun sing again.

“-from _Amy_ ,” Baekhyun spoke in English, “hey Baek! I know you’ve been studying English, but I’m interested in studying Korean. Could you give me some advice on where to start?” Baekhyun opened his mouth to answer, but Chanyeol skipped ahead once more. Like he needed advice on how to study Korean.

He skipped around two minutes deeper into the video, which was a total of nine minutes long. He was around halfway in at this point, and still no sign of what he wanted to hear yet.

“-and that’s basically why I’m just taking a break from school right now,” Baekhyun started up again, still in English. Chanyeol tiled his head in confusion at his last statement, but didn’t bother to go back. “Anyway, we have time for one last question. Sorry this video is shorter than usual, I have to pick up my dog from a friend’s house and I lost track of time. But let’s get to it!” He clapped his hands together once more, then switched to Korean. “Our final question is from _LoveStar1_.” He paused to read the question in full, his lips mouthing the words and his brow furrowed. “Sometimes I feel like I was born missing a gene or something. I’m a 16 year old girl, and I’ve still never had a crush on any boys yet. The thing is, I’ve always thought my friends who were girls are super cute. We hold hands and kiss each other on the cheeks, but I’m worried it’s becoming too much for me. I feel like I want to only do this with girls. Do I need help? I don’t want to like girls.”

Baekhyun leaned back and took a deep breath. “Well, LoveStar, you came to the right place. I was in a pretty similar position to yours a few years ago. I had a friend of mine, a guy, who was always hugging and cuddling me and other stuff like that. One day I realized I just really wanted to kiss him, so I did. I didn’t feel shame or anything for it because I wasn’t aware you were supposed to _feel_ shame for liking someone.” Chanyeol subconsciously began to worry at his lip, but did not pause the video. “But I learned something that day. I learned a lot when that guy, my best friend at the time, pushed me away and started shouting at me. I was so scared. He kept calling me names and told me he didn’t feel safe around me, like I was some kind of predator or something. I lost contact with him shortly after because he moved away anyway, but I realized I couldn’t be open about who I was or what I wanted anymore. I couldn’t trust even my closest friends with my affection.” He paused to lick his lips. “I thought I was gay for a while after that, and I actually accepted it pretty easily. I figured my old best friend knew me better than anyone, so I thought, _I guess this means I really am gay,_ after he yelled at me. Around a year later though, this really cute girl moved into my school, and I wanted to befriend her instantly. We both liked music a lot, so it wasn’t that hard. I had another mini-realization after that when we were hanging outside after school and she locked her fingers with mine. I thought my heart was gonna jump out of me, and for the first time after that incident, I felt safe in front of someone again. I thought that I was over my ‘gay phase’ when I began to develop romantic and sexual feelings towards her, and when we kissed for the first time, I was more excited that I wanted to kiss a girl more than the fact that it was my crush. I was just so relieved to think that I wouldn’t have to think about being gay anymore, and I could get back to being normal. Of course, we all know it wasn’t just a phase for me.”

He paused once more to look at his phone, and clicked his tongue. “Shit, I really gotta go soon, so I’ll try to wrap up this story as soon as I can. But like I was saying, identifying as gay was so hard on my mental health. Even though I accepted it easily, I was actually hoping for a way out the whole time. I never did any real research into sexuality due to repressed fear. One day, I was talking with one of my teachers about Shakespeare, and she told me that many people believe he was bisexual. The first thing I thought was, _well what the hell does that mean_ ? So I asked. It turns out you can actually be attracted to more than one gender at a time. The second I got home from class that day, I ran straight to the internet and began to research. And believe it or not, sexuality is just a damn spectrum! Like, maybe some days I just wanna think about guys, and the next time I might only want to kiss a cute girl. Some days, it might be both, or even neither. And figuring that out really helped. I realized you don’t even _need_ a label if you don’t feel comfortable with one. I personally really resonated with the term bisexual, but if you don’t want to call yourself gay, lesbian, or whatever else for any reason, you don’t have to. And if you ever think you aren’t what you chose to label yourself as, _it’s okay_. People change all the time, right? So that means your sexuality can change too. What matters is surrounding yourself with people who love you for who you are.”

Baekhyun began to blink quickly, as if he was suppressing tears. “Not everyone is lucky enough to live with supportive parents, or have nice friends,” he continued, his voice cracking, “but I just want you to know I’m here for you and everyone else who needs support. If you ever feel left out, shoot me an email or something, _seriously_. I’ll do my best to answer them all, because I know what it’s like feeling like you need to conform to someone’s standards or that you’re gross for feeling a certain way. So, LoveStar, my answer to your question is _no_. You don’t need help for feeling love towards girls, or anyone else you choose to love in the future. Loving is not a crime.” Baekhyun went to wipe his face, then sighed. “Sorry guys, this just means a lot to me. I really need to go now, and I’m sorry again for ending this on such a deep note! I promise I’ll make a more goofy Q &A next time. I love you all so, so much! Bye bye!” Baekhyun waved and blew kisses into the camera, and then the video ended.

Chanyeol was silent for a minute, then put his head down and began to sob into his hands. He found it difficult to do anything, to breathe, see, just to _move_ was suddenly so overwhelming to him. He felt like even more of a mess for having a cross between a panic attack and an emotional breakdown over a YouTuber who he never met before.

He didn’t know what he wanted. Baekhyun told him that was okay, but it didn’t _feel_ okay.

He let himself cry it out for a few minutes, tasting salty tears as they slipped past his lips, and sniffled occasionally. When he regained most of his composure, he got up to get a tall glass of water and took out his phone to make a call. After a few rings, he heard a voice answer.

“What do you want?”

“Sehun?” Chanyeol’s voice cracked.

“Hyung, are you drunk? It’s like 7:00pm, should I be worried or something?”

“No, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

“Like?” Chanyeol heard some shuffling in the background, and Sehun cursed to himself. “Sorry, I’m walking Vivi right now and I tripped and almost let go of his leash.”

“Sehun, you’re gay.”

Pause. “Well yeah, no shit.”

“What is that like?”

“Um. I like dudes? I don’t know what you’re getting at, hyung.”

“Like,” he paused to sigh. Of course Chanyeol would impulse call his best friend for advice and then blank out on what to ask for. “I never thought about it before. Thought about, you know what.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“I never thought about not being straight before!” Chanyeol blurts, anxiety coursing through him. “And like, what if I’m not?”

“Do you have a crush on a guy or something?”

“What? No!”

“Then why are you freaking out? You do realize that sexuality can change all the time for certain people, right? ‘Cept not me. I’m like, always gay. Super gay.”

“That’s what Baekhyun said too…” Chanyeol murmured to himself.

“Who’s that?”

“Wha--” Chanyeol realized what he had just said out loud. “Oh. It’s no one.”

“Oh?” Sehun teased. Chanyeol could practically see his shit-eating grin through the phone. “Is _he_ your little crush?”

“What, no! Look, I’m just confused is all. When I try to think of my ideal type, i can never put a face or a body to it, and I remember getting crushes on girls but that was because they were all so nice to me. And sure I, uh, looked at a lot of porn in my spare time, but I ended up never even needing it half the time!”

“God, you’re so gross.”

“Sehun please, I’m dying,” Chanyeol groaned and flopped back down on his chair. “Maybe I’m just really sentimental and desperate at the same time. I never really had any experience in the end, I guess.”

“What about that girl you took out to karaoke and you said you guys hooked up in the back of your car?”

“I might’ve been exaggerating…”

“ _Hyung_.”

“She went to kiss me and I got scared, okay?”

“Hyung, look. I gotta go. I need to call Tao and finalize my moving plans. I appreciate you calling me and all, but there really isn’t much I can do for you.”

“Wait, you think you’re gonna move into his apartment in America after all?”

“I’ll tell you more about it when I have the details myself. In the meantime, you focus on yourself, okay? My only advice is if you feel like you wanna try something new, and it’s not something that’ll get you or someone else killed, I say go for it.”

“What the hell is gonna kill me when it comes to my sex life?”

“I could think of a few things. Anyway, text me later. Good luck!”

Sehun hung up, and Chanyeol let out a deep sigh. Granted, he felt better than he did five minutes ago, but something was still very much off. It was as if Baekhyun had lit a fire under him, he just wasn’t sure _why_.

_Focus on yourself, okay?_ Sehun’s words echoed in the back of Chanyeol’s mind. The problem was he didn’t know where to start.

He looked back up at his desktop screen, the thumbnail of Baekhyun waving goodbye still there where he left it. He scratched the back of his neck, sighed, and clicked on another video.


	2. Beauty Tip #2: Work With Surprises, Not Against Them!

Around a year had past since Chanyeol first caved in and watched Baekhyun’s videos. After recovering from his breakdown and having a brief period of internal conflict, he ended up subscribing to him and went back to watch all of his previously uploaded videos (except for the fateful Q&A video). He learned a lot about Baekhyun, such as his favorite video games and movies, and bits and pieces of his childhood. It was a strange feeling to him, knowing so much about a person who doesn’t even know he exists.

There were two major changes in Chanyeol’s life within that year. The first was that he was accepted into his top college choice, a school in America with both an excellent music program and a solid international student population. He attended and successfully finished his first year as a music technology major, making a decent amount of friends and getting along well with his roommate. Sehun also moved into Tao’s apartment in Los Angeles, around a half hour away from Chanyeol’s school, thankfully keeping them each other’s best friends. The second was a _bit_ more complicated.

Chanyeol realized he liked feeling feminine. That didn’t automatically make him _gay_ , no; he still was unsure about his sexuality, but he was at least pretty sure he was not exclusively gay. He simply wanted to feel pretty without absolutely anyone on earth knowing about it.

In short, Chanyeol had a small epiphany. He had far less confidence than he originally remembered.

Would wearing makeup help him gain confidence, or just further fuel his insecurity? He didn’t have the guts to find out, nor tell anyone, not even Sehun. Which was, admittedly, really fucking stupid considering Tao wore almost as much makeup as Baekhyun on a regular basis.

Of course, Chanyeol felt bad hiding a huge part of himself from others, but it was all so new to him. Half the time when he looked in the mirror he had no idea who was staring back at him. He tried to come up with ways to subtly feel more comfortable in his own body, like wearing loose clothes and pretty bracelets. He especially liked the bracelets, the way they jangled when he was playing guitar or video games. He stopped cutting his hair except to trim split ends occasionally, and began to pluck and shape his eyebrows. Thankfully, being a musician, he was able to make excuses for his sudden change in appearance.

 _I will find myself,_ he made sure to tell himself every morning. 

 

* * *

 

August came more quickly than anticipated, and Chanyeol found himself back at his university preparing for his sophomore year. At the end of term, he decided to sign up to be an orientation leader for the incoming freshman, meaning he would arrive on campus a few days before the rest of his friends. Chanyeol opened up his phone to look for his housing assignment email, then read it aloud when he found it.

“Room 221, room 221,” he murmured to himself as he walked into the music dorms. He gripped his suitcase and walked up the stairs and down the end of the hallway until he reached room 221. He snatched one of the envelopes taped to his door and fished the key out of it, then used it to open his door. He scanned his new room and let out a sigh of relief. He was still in the same dorms as last year with the same roommate, only this time he could kiss his miserably sized room from last year goodbye. Being a freshman sure had its disadvantages. He put his bags down and backed up into the corner to take a photo of his room, then opened up his messaging app.

 

[1:52PM PST] **pcy** : hey jongdae peep at this setup we got  [img attached] 

[1:56 PM PST] **chennie** : holy fuck

[1:56 PM PST] **chennie** : i was about to yell at u for texting me at 6am over here but

[1:56 PM PST] **chennie** : we finally have a room big enough for ur daddy long legs body

[1:56 PM PST] **chennie** : do u know how many parties we can host now

[1:57 PM PST] **pcy** : i mean… i guess

[1:57 PM PST] **pcy** : yixing hyung is a senior now so he can keep alcohol on campus, we can always just bum off him from now on? if you want to

[1:57 PM PST] **chennie** : park chanyeol u beautiful bastard… i love this new attitude of urs

[1:58 PM PST] **chennie** : i was wondering when u would stop being the sober sister of our friend group

[1:58 PM PST] **pcy** : i still have responsibilities!!! you know i need to get ready for orientation and everything, so no drinking until after this week is over

[1:59 PM PST] **chennie** : lol

[1:59 PM PST] **chennie** : for u maybe

[1:59 PM PST] **pcy** : :(

[2:00 PM PST] **chennie** : u know i love u

[2:00 PM PST] **chennie** : but i really wanna go back to bed so im gonna ignore all ur messages from now on

[2:00 PM PST] **chennie** : also yes im probably going to get up at like 1pm

[2:00 PM PST] **chennie** : also no im not gonna stop double texting u

[2:00 PM PST] **chennie** : good luck with orientation u big baby :* hmu if u see any cute girls since we all know ur not gonna go after them

[2:01 PM PST] **chennie** : see u in like 4 days <3 dont miss me too much

 

Chanyeol chose not to reply, letting Jongdae get some much (un)needed rest, and focused on unpacking. Most of his stuff wouldn’t arrive for the next few days since it was shipping separately from Korea, but he could keep himself busy by putting his clothes in his newly claimed drawer and reorganizing his side of the room. He removed the framing off both the twin sized beds in the room and pushed the two mattresses together into the corner. Chanyeol silently thought to himself how lucky he was to have Jongdae as his roommate; the two of them agreed to combine their beds into one shared space since they often suffered from night terrors. Plus, it just made the room look a lot cooler, and neither of them wanted to mention how they were both really good cuddle buddies.

After he unpacked and rearranged his room, he opened up his laptop and went on YouTube. It was Sunday, meaning Baekhyun had uploaded a video while Chanyeol was away from his computer.

 

 

> **NOTIFICATIONS**
> 
> Baekhyunee uploaded: LIFE UPDATE!

 

Chanyeol tilted his head in confusion. Normally Baekhyun uploads a new makeup tutorial or tips every other week, and has personal videos in-between. Last week he had uploaded a video talking about how his Summer job went awfully wrong, so he was expecting something strictly makeup related this time. Damn. He had even gotten out a sheet of paper to take notes. Nevertheless, he clicked on the video anyway, still just as excited.

“Hey guys!” Baekhyun waved to the camera, same as ever. “I know you all were expecting some kind of beauty video today, but I really didn’t have the time to film and edit one this week. I’m really sorry about that!”

 _It’s okay!_ Chanyeol thought to himself. _You already work so hard for us, we understand!_

“This video is also going to be really short, since it’s just an update, but I have some big news. I’ve been keeping this a secret since… maybe March? I dunno, it’s been a while. But if you remember, I talked a while ago in one of my Q&A videos about why I was going to take a gap year between high school and college.”

Chanyeol blinked. _Oh right._ He never went back to rewatch the original video, so he had no idea what Baekhyun was talking about.

“Well anyway, I ended up applying to a few different colleges got accepted into my top school!” Baekhyun paused as an audio track of people clapping played in the background. “This won’t really change much for the channel, but I may have periods of time where I won’t be able to upload videos every week. I actually already talked to my roommate about this channel, and he said he would help me set up a little filming spot in our future room too! I’m meeting him a few days, and I honestly can’t wait. I’ll definitely let you guys know how that goes. I would say _‘fingers crossed that no one knows who I am at school,’_ but knowing me I’m still gonna be wearing a shitload of makeup to class anyway. Anyway guys, I wasn’t kidding when I said this video would be short. I really do gotta go finish up packing, but I’ll be making a vlog about my journey and first few days on campus, so you can look forward to that! Love you all! Bye bye!” Baekhyun blew kisses to the camera and waved as usual, and then the video ended.

Chanyeol felt a surge of pride grow in the pit of his stomach. He still wasn’t sure why Baekhyun took a gap year, but he felt so happy that he was able to get on his feet again. He scrolled down to the comments section and began to type.

  

 

> **CY PARK** [just now]
> 
> congrats baekhyun!! >< i don’t usually comment on your videos but i hope you have fun in school ❤ do you have a major? @(^_^)@

 

He quickly closed the tab and walked over to him and Jongdae’s unmade bed and flopped down, feeling his body temperature heat up as he began to process what just happened.

“I’m so embarrassing,” he mumbled to himself. “I can’t believe I sent him a heart emoticon. The video was a day old Chanyeol, he’s probably just gonna mention his major in his next vlog anyway.”

He stayed on the bed for a few minutes, almost drifting off at one point due to jet lag, but eventually got up to finish making the bed. He grabbed his phone to take a photo of the bed to send to Jongdae, but stopped when he saw a notification.

  

 

> **YouTube** : _Baekhyunee replied to your comment_

 

Chanyeol nearly dropped his phone. He scrambled to unlock his phone and opened up his YouTube notifications, refreshing rapidly.

  

 

> **Baekhyunee** [2 minutes ago]
> 
> hehe thanks CY! I’m a theater major, actually! I know, most people would think i’m going into cosmetology…

 

 _Oh my God._ Chanyeol stared at his phone with wide eyes. _Baekhyun just replied to me._

Frantic, he reopened his messaging app.

 

[3:07 PM PST] **pcy** : JONNDGDAE HILYL FUCK

[3:07 PM PST] **pcy** : WKAKE UP O HMU GGODD

[3:07 PM PST] **pcy** : PLELASW I NEED YOUR SARCAKSM AND BRTUAL SENSE OF REALITY

[3:10 PM PST] **pcy** : JONNGGDDDAAEEEEEEEEE ><;;;;;;;;;;;;

[3:11 PM PST] **chennie** : wtf

[3:11 PM PST] **chennie** : this better be good

[3:11 PM PST] **pcy** : BAEKHKYUN

[3:11 PM PST] **pcy** : HE TALKED TO ME

[3:12 PM PST] **chennie** : dude i will pay u real money to tell sehun about ur infatuation with this baekhyun guy so u can go to other ppl besides me about him

[3:12 PM PST] **chennie** : but anyway, since i am a wonderful roomie, what happened???

[3:12 PM PST] **pcy** : HE POSTED A VIDEO ABOUT HIM GOING TO SCHOOL

[3:12 PM PST] **pcy** : SO I ASK HIM HIS MAJOR EVEN THOUGH THIS VIDEO IS LIKE A DAY OLD

[3:13 PM PST] **pcy** : AND THEEEEEN :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

[3:13 PM PST] **pcy** : (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

[3:13 PM PST] **chennie** : r u like… ok

[3:13 PM PST] **pcy** : NO

[3:13 PM PST] **pcy** : HE’S A THEATER MAJOR

[3:14 PM PST] **chennie** : omg

[3:14 PM PST] **chennie** : ur both music ppl

[3:14 PM PST]  **chennie** : i mean so am i lmao but

[3:14 PM PST] **pcy** : don't remind me >_<

[3:14 PM PST] **chennie** : so when r u gonna slide into his dms

[3:15 PM PST] **pcy** : JONGDAE PLEASE this is the first time he's ever spoken to me

[3:15 PM PST] **pcy** : he thinks my name is CY

[3:15 PM PST] **chennie** : when will u just admit u have a crush on him

[3:15 PM PST] **pcy** : uh…..never?

[3:15 PM PST] **pcy** : i’ll never meet him in person anyway

[3:16 PM PST] **chennie** : so if u did know him irl then u would

[3:16 PM PST] **pcy** : would what

[3:16 PM PST] **chennie** : chanyeol u dense mf

[3:16 PM PST] **chennie** : /like him/

[3:18 PM PST] **chennie** : uhh

[3:18 PM PST] **chennie** : u there bro

[3:21 PM PST] **chennie** : aight well im going back 2 bed again, have fun being lovesick

 

Chanyeol stared at his phone, worrying at his lips. Would he actually like Baekhyun in a romantic way if he knew him in person? Of course, there was no point in thinking about the impossible. Baekhyun didn’t even know his real name, or what he looked like.

“No point, remember?” he mumbled to himself, laying back down. He had one more day until orientation started, and he needed a lot of rest if he were to perform well for the freshman tomorrow. He closed his eyes and willed himself to take a nap, forgetting about Baekhyun. 

 

* * *

 

Chanyeol knew he messed up when he woke up and it was pitch black out.

Scrambling to check the time, he picked up his phone and ignored the two missed calls from Sehun.

_9:47pm._

“Oh, fuck me,” he groaned, forcing himself out of bed. Leave it to him to nap for over six hours when he had to be up at 7:00am. He checked his text messages as he felt his body wake up.

 

**7 UNREAD MESSAGES**

 

[6:42 PM PST] **oohun** : yooo pick up the phone

[6:43 PM PST] **oohun** : bitch

[6:46 PM PST] **oohun** : BITCH

[6:47 PM PST] **oohun** : ur back in cali early for orientation right

[6:47 PM PST] **oohun** : lets hang ouuuuuut

[6:50 PM PST] **oohun** : if u dont answer by 7pm me and tao are going out to eat without u

[7:01 PM PST] **oohun** : u hate me. Bye

 

Chanyeol chuckled at Sehun’s messages, but couldn’t help feeling disappointed. If only Jongdae hadn’t said that weird stuff about him and Baekhyun, then he wouldn’t have to have taken a stress nap.

He stretched, then went to dial Sehun’s number. After two rings, he picked up.

“So you’re not dead.”

“Nice to hear from you too.”

Sehun hummed. “Dinner was great, by the way. But I see you didn’t read my messages until just now so I can forgive you for not coming along.”

“Yeah, I feel asleep, but it probably would’ve been filled with gross PDA between you and Tao feeding each other anyway.”

“Us? Gross? PDA? Please. We have more self respect than that.” They both paused to laugh for a moment. “So,” Sehun started up again, clearing his throat, “are you nervous for tomorrow?”

“Not really? I mean, there’s some pressure on me for sure, but I’m totally ready to meet the freshman. They put me with one of the foreign exchange student groups so the only thing I’m worried about is not having good enough English for some of them.”

“Oh please, you're better at English then I am and that's the only language we speak at home.”

“You flatter me.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

Chanyeol snorted, then sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Hey, Sehun, I…” He began to speak, Baekhyun suddenly on his mind.

“What? You’re nervous after all?”

For some reason, Chanyeol felt disappointment. Of course, he wasn’t expecting Sehun to guess that he was about to talk about the _possibility_ that he _may_ have a crush on someone who _doesn’t even know he exists_ (what a mouthful!), but for some reason, him assuming what Chanyeol was going to say rubbed him the wrong way. He clicked his tongue, sighing once more.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“I can visit you once orientation is over. Tao helped me buy a new car over the Summer, by the way, so obviously I gotta come by anyway and show it off to all the freshman boys.”

“First Jongdae asks me to scope out the freshman girls, now you’re trying to impress some boys, and I’m just trying to collectively help all of them!”

“Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something, Park Chanyeol. Also, I’m also a freshman, so my cause is more valid.”

“Ugh, I don’t have the time to think about what you’re implying right now.”

“Just go back to bed, dude. I’ll be around all day tomorrow for you to harass, okay?”

Chanyeol glanced at his laptop’s clock. It was just barely past 10:00pm, and he was absolutely no where near tired. “Yeah, okay. See you later, man.”

“Bye hyung.”

Sehun hung up before Chanyeol could, leaving him staring at his phone, the notification from Baekhyun still there. Chanyeol took a deep breath before opening up the YouTube app once more and clicked on one of Baekhyun’s videos. 

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, Chanyeol was more tired than he realized, and he found himself passing out on his desk before midnight. He woke up sometime around 2:00am to crawl into bed, still in his street clothes, and fell back asleep with ease.

Unfortunately, he slept with _too_ much ease. The sound of someone knocking on his door jolted him awake.

“Coming!” He shouted, scrambling to get up. Oh man, did he smell. He regretted not changing out of his ancient sweatpants and t-shirt, but when he checked his phone he wasn’t sure he would have time to change.

The time read 8:42am, and orientation was supposed to start at 9:00am. On top of that, all orientation leaders were supposed to report to the main commons area on campus at 8:30am.

Chanyeol opened the door as quickly as he could, accidentally slamming it against his closet door. He was greeted by Kyungsoo, another sophomore who volunteered for orientation.

“Hi,” he started, “you weren’t answering my texts or phone calls so I made my way over here. Did you not set an alarm? You know we have to greet the freshman in 15 minutes.”

“I did,” Chanyeol assured him, fidgeting in place. “I must’ve slept through it. Can you just give me five seconds to change and put on some deodorant?”

“Technically, I can’t make you do anything,” Kyungsoo told him, his dry sense of humor slightly peeking through. “But I don’t see why not.”

“Okay, great, don’t move!” Chanyeol slammed the door and threw his shirt off, somehow at the same time. He ran to his drawer and tried to find a shirt that didn’t have a chocolate milk stain or some kind of embarrassing rock band label on it, until he settled on a light blue button-up and grabbed a pair of khakis. He didn’t have time to put on socks or shoes, so he wiggled into some sandals before grabbing his bag and cellphone. When he opened his door again, Kyungsoo was still waiting, arms crossed.

“It takes us around five minutes to walk to commons from the music dorms,” Kyungsoo began to scold him while checking his watch, “that gives us seven minutes to be fully prepared before 9:00am.”

Chanyeol nodded to show that he was listening, but most of it went in one ear and out the other. On top of being absolutely exhausted, his nerves were starting to act up again. He wasn’t able to properly see what he looked like, and the uncertainty was slowly eating away at him. It’s been nearly a year since the last time he went outside without applying BB cream or filling in his brows, and he felt exposed and uncomfortable.

“Alright, I can explain what you missed while you were asleep,” Kyungsoo said as he pulled out a schedule. “You’ll be given the same paper as the rest of your group, but you obviously need to pick up eleven copies since you don’t have one yourself and each group contains ten freshman. You also will need to find the clipboard with your name on it since that’ll have your freshman names on it. Today should be really simple though, honestly. We’re just going to speak to our groups then come together as an entire class and play some games and eat lunch. The table inside the commons area to the left has the clipboards on it, so I’ll meet you back outside once you get it…?”

“Yeah sure, sounds great,” Chanyeol waved to him and they began to split. “Thanks again for coming to get me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Ruined the lives of ten innocent freshman and gotten in serious trouble with the school,” Kyungsoo said flatly. Chanyeol turned to face him, suddenly feeling guilty, but laughed in relief when he saw Kyungsoo smiling and waving goodbye to him.

Chanyeol found his clipboard and swiftly picked it up in one hand and grabbed the flyers with his other. He reached for his phone to check the time as he put the flyers on the clipboard, covering the names of the freshman. 8:56am. He could do this.

He walked back outside to the open lawn area and found Kyungsoo and other members of his class sitting by a tree. A decent amount of freshman were already piling in, some looking around awkwardly while others already talking to their new peers. Kyungsoo looked up and spotted Chanyeol and waved him over.

“Everything work out?” he asked him.

“Perfectly, thanks.” Chanyeol leaned back against the tree. “And now we wait.”

A professor approached the group of sophomores to let them know it was time to get ready, and handed each of them a large card with a number on it. The professor explained each freshman in their group was assigned the number they were given, and by holding it up would be how they’d find their group. Chanyeol was assigned the number six, and walked over to a more exposed area and held his card up.

“Group six!” He shouted, eyes focused on the ground. The sun was exceptionally bright today making it hard to focus on anything else but the grass below him.

“That’s me,” he heard a voice call out. “I hope I’m in the right place. Can you check to see if I’m on your list?”

 _Shit_ , Chanyeol thought. He had left his clipboard by the tree the other sophomores were waiting by, and more people were coming to his group by the second.

“Yeah, sure, can you just give me a second?” He handed the numbered card to the girl. “Could you do me a huge favor and just hold this up for me? I’ll get my clipboard and check as soon as I can.”

Thankfully, she agreed with a warm smile and held her arm up, calling out the number as instructed. Chanyeol looked back to his group and counted eight out of ten people were present. He ran as quickly as he could back to his clipboard, picked it up along with the schedule papers, and ran back.

“Sorry guys, I left my stuff back there.” He squinted once more, the sunlight hurting his eyes and still forcing him to look down. “Are ten of us here?”  
  
“Looks like it,” a new voice said.

“Okay, great. Let’s go sit down in the shade and then I can confirm we’re all in the right place.”

Chanyeol couldn’t look up to see if the group nodded in approval or not, but he walked to a nice shaded patch of land surrounded by trees a few meters away regardless and sat down. He heard the sound of the freshman sitting down as well and rubbed his eyes before getting out his clipboard and reading the instructions out loud.

“Alright,” he started, “so when I call out your names you’re going to say your preferred name, what you’re interested in studying, where you’ll be living and one fun fact about yourselves. Sounds cool?”

He waited for the responses ranging from _totally cool_ and _you got it_ and _are we really still doing this shit in college_ to die down before continuing.

“Seulgi?” He called out. The same girl he gave the card to earlier looked up and sighed a breath of relief.

“Oh thank God,” she smiled, “I _am_ in the right place. Just Seulgi is fine. I’m interested in both dance and playing the guitar, and I’m living in the performance dorms as of now. A fun fact about myself is that,” she paused to stifle a laugh, “my friends say I look like a bear.”

“I totally can see that,” another person spoke up. A few people laughed and Chanyeol felt his heart flutter. His freshman were getting along!

“I have a friend who used to live in the performance dorms,” Chanyeol commented, thinking about Yixing. “There’s some amazing people there.”

"I'm living there too!" Someone else called out, making Chanyeol's heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

He realized he ran into a problem. A very, very large problem. Quite possibly the biggest problem he ever had to face in recent years.

Chanyeol looked up to properly face his group for the first time, scanning all of their faces individually. He recognized two of the faces in his group of ten, one being Seulgi, and the other being the catalyst for his constant existential crises.

“Um,” Chanyeol coughed out, “Baekhyun?” 


	3. Beauty Tip #3: Smiling Is Always In Style!

Making eye contact with Baekhyun was like getting body slammed into concrete. It fucking _hurt._

“Um,” Chanyeol coughed out, “Baekhyun?”

“Present and accounted for,” he replied, not picking up on Chanyeol’s visible stress. “My interests include makeup, gaming, and singing.” He went to wipe some of the dark brown eyeliner on his waterline up to make sure it wasn’t smudging. “I’m living in the performance dorms just like I mentioned earlier. An interesting fact about me is that I’m actually not supposed to be a freshman, I just had to take a break from school and I’m starting fresh now.”

That was all the proof Chanyeol needed. Despite sporting the same facial features, voice, and makeup, part of Chanyeol was not convinced Baekhyun was sitting less than ten feet away from him until now.

“By the way,” he continued, “we never got your name?”

Oh. Right.

“It’s Chanyeol,” he replied, praying Baekhyun wouldn’t be able to connect CY Park to his name. Probably not. After all, he had hundreds of thousands of fans. “I live in the music dorms, which are right next to the performance dorms, so if anyone else who lives in that area needs help finding it I can guide you.”

“We’ve already put our stuff in our dorms,” another person pointed out.

Chanyeol felt his cheeks heat up. So much for being an excellent leader.

“Ah, well, incase you forget. Let’s move on, shall we?”

For someone who was standing right in front of his idol, Chanyeol sure wanted this day to be over with already.

 

* * *

 

Chanyeol finally let himself relax when the freshmen took their lunch break. He considered going to Kyungsoo for advice, since he was an outsider to Chanyeol’s situation, but he was feeling strangely anti-social and irritable. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was brush off Kyungsoo’s comments or offend him. Luckily, Chanyeol had other resources. Who else could handle his anxiety and stupid commentary better than Jongdae?

He dialed his number, regardless of the fact that it was around 4:00am in Korea.

“Fuck, dude, you really want to ruin my sleep schedule that badly?” He heard Jongdae groan into the phone.

“I bet you weren’t even asleep yet,” Chanyeol joked, forcing himself to relax as he went to sit down on a picnic table outside the dining hall. What was with him relying on other people for comfort so much lately?

“I was about to be, I swear. Shouldn’t you be at orientation right now? Also, you do realize I’m leaving for California in a few hours right?”

“It’s an emergency, dude. Code red.”

“I have absolutely no idea what that means.”

“I--” Chanyeol stopped to look around, realizing Baekhyun could be anywhere on campus. He couldn’t just gossip about a freshman in _public_ , that would be going against every college hierarchy rule. “You know the um, the person you think I like, even though I definitely don’t because I don’t know them?”

“That’s one way to say Baekhyun,” Jongdae snorted.

“Yeah, okay well, you’ll never guess what happened to me.”

“You finally confessed your love to him and now you’re both dating?”

“What is with my friends assuming the weirdest shit, no!” Chanyeol tapped his foot rapidly and flapped his hand quickly, a sign he was stressed. “Ugh, God Jongdae, he’s going here now. He’s in my orientation group.”

Jongdae was silent for a moment, then yelled.

“A little warning next time, please!” Chanyeol complained, feeling his ears ring. Even on the phone, Jongdae was unbearably loud.

“Fate is on your side, my friend!” Jongdae howled into the phone. “If you don’t start pining after him I’m gonna be _so_ let down!”

“I can’t even talk to him without feeling like I’m going to hurl, can I at least just watch him from a distance?”

“That seems more creepy than hitting on him, honestly,” Jongdae shot him down. However, Jongdae hit on practically everyone, and had a new girlfriend nearly every other month. Easy for him to say.

“Look, you’re the only person who knows about this, okay? All I’m asking for the next few days… weeks… months… for the rest of our time as roommates… or the rest of our lives… is for you to accept me as the bundling ball of nerves I truly am.”

“For such a tall man with such an intimidating Soundcloud profile, you sure are a little baby. But yes, I accept. I’ll be arriving tomorrow around 5:00am, but I expect you to give me a few hours of solid sleep before I let you vent out everything to me in one go. Okay?”

“I love you, roomie. Tomorrow is the last day of orientation and all we’re doing is going on a tour across campus, so I’ll be out until noon anyway.”

“Thank God I’ll have one moment of peace before everything turns to hell. Anyway, byeeee!” Jongdae sang into the phone, then hung up.

Chanyeol put his phone back in his pocket and covered his face with his hands. Reality was a cruel, cruel place to be in right now, and he didn’t have any time for self pity.

He would’ve never imagined meeting his idol would be this stressful. Baekhyun was just so effortless gorgeous, especially in person. With or without makeup on, he carried such a strong sense of confidence and poise that everyone around him seemed to be drawn towards him. In comparison, Chanyeol was clumsy, bad at controlling his limbs, laughed at inappropriate times and got offended too easily. To make matters worse, he was getting more and more insecure by the day, and didn’t know what to do about it.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a tap on his shoulder, causing him to jump and gasp. The person behind him seemed to be just as shocked, yeling when Chanyeol recoiled.

“Oh, God, that scared me!” An all-too familiar voice said.

Chanyeol slowly turned around, his eyes meeting Baekhyun’s.

“Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be out here.” _Especially not you_ , he thought. Chanyeol paused for a moment to study Baekhyun’s makeup. It was even more beautiful in person. “What’s up? Shouldn’t you be at lunch?”

“I was, but I finished early. I’m kind of experiencing jet lag and just wanna go to sleep. So I wanna go back to the dorms.”

Chanyeol tilted his head in slight confusion, taken aback by how informal Baekhyun was in person. “Everyone’s schedule is more or less free for the rest of the day,” Chanyeol explained as he pointed to his schedule. “The only other activities we have are optional ones, and none of them involve the orientation leaders, so you’re free to do whatever.”

“I know that.”

Chanyeol blinked. “Then why--”

“I wanted to take up on your offer from earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

Baekhyun huffed, scratching his head. “You said you could guide anyone in the group back to their dorms. I want you to take me there.”

Oh. _Oh._

“Are you okay? Your face is flushed and sweating, are you not feeling well? ‘Cause I can always just go find it myse--”

“No!” Chanyeol blurted, getting up and grabbing Baekhyun’s hands. Oh _God,_ they were so nice in person. “I just was thinking if I had anything else to do right now. Which I don’t, by the way. So, um… yeah! Let’s go!”

Chanyeol didn’t make a move, still holding onto Baekhyun’s hands.

“Right,” Baekhyun tugged on his hands slightly, trying to get Chanyeol to move. “First, you have to actually use those cute legs of yours.”

Chanyeol audibly _gurgled._  Baekhyun didn’t seem to mind his awkwardness, instead he only laughed and helped him off his feet.

“So you said you live in the music dorms?” Baekhyun turned to him as they began to walk.

“Uh-huh,” Chanyeol confirmed. “I’m a music composition major. I both play traditional instruments and also do mixing, but most of the stuff I publicize online is more electronic based. I play sometimes for school events too.”

“Oh wow,” Baekhyun stared at him, awestruck. “I’ve always wanted to play an instrument. You gotta teach me sometime!”  

Chanyeol flushed at the implications behinds Baekhyun’s words. “So I guess this means we’ll be seeing more of each other?” He forced the words out of his mouth, trying to cover up his awkwardness with a crooked smile.

Baekhyun snorted. “Well duh. You’re super adorable and I’m technically supposed to be an upperclassman anyway. I don’t really have plans on befriending many freshmen, though my roommate is really cool.” He paused to lick his lips. “Actually, you should meet him. He seems like he’ll need more guidance than I will.”

Chanyeol chose not to comment on Baekhyun calling him adorable, and nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that. From wh--” he stopped himself from admitting he already knew a bit about Baekhyun’s roommate from his life update video, “ah, from what I’ve heard, the freshman this year are supposed to be really sweet. My class is a lot more obnoxious, so get ready. My roommate is a mess, but I love him.”

“Ohh, are you guys dating or something?”

Chanyeol stopped dead in his tracks at the accusation. “Um. Why?”

“Are you offended?” Baekhyun asked him, suddenly on edge. “Shit, do you like… do you like not swing that way or something? Did I assume wrong? Oh fuck man, maybe this was a bad idea--”

“No, no!” Chanyeol reaffirmed, shaking his hands rapidly. “My roommate’s as straight as a chopstick, even if he always is making comments about my uh, junk and everything.” He paused to let out a strained laugh. “I just… I don’t know. What about me made you assume I would be interested in men?”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. “My gaydar is never wrong, let’s just leave it at that. if I assumed wrong I’m really sorry. Maybe it’s malfunctioning!” He joked, shrugging in a comedic matter.

“Yeah…” Chanyeol trailed off, not wanting to continue talking about his sexuality with the person that made him question himself in the first place. “Well, we’re at your dorm now. Do you want me to walk you in?”

“Totally! You gotta meet my roommate and everything, I just hope he’s not asleep. He’s also an exchange student.”

“So is mine,” Chanyeol commented as he put his student ID on the door’s lock to open it. “I’m not bad at English or anything, but it’s nice to switch between languages freely in my own room.”

“I get you. By the way, my room’s 321 if I remember correctly.”

“If we lived in the same building, I’d be living directly below you, since I live in room 221. If you want, you can stop by whenever as well.”

“Yeah, I’d love to. Could you give me your number?”

Chanyeol tried not to squeal. “Of course!” He blurted, a little _too_ excitedly. “Just gimme a sec…” He checked his phone notifications to make sure Baekhyun’s YouTube message wasn’t there for him to see. When he cleared all his notifications, he opened up his contacts and handed Baekhyun his phone.

“You phone case is cute,” he commented, flipping it over to reveal an image of Chopper from One Piece. “You like anime?”

Chanyeol felt his body heat up. “Yeah, I kind of collect figures too…” He trailed off, deciding to be honest with Baekhyun. “They’re all at home though.”

“Ugh, this is too much.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s nothing. Anyway, I have the key to my room but my roommate and I agreed to keep it unlocked so lemme just knock, okay?”

Baekhyun knocked loudly on the door, startling Chanyeol. When no one answered, he slowly opened the door and peeped in.

“Jongiiiiin…” Baekhyun drawled out. “Wake uppppp…” He motioned for Chanyeol to come in, regardless of the fact that his roommate was passed out on his bed. “I have a friend here with me!”

Chanyeol felt his chest tighten when he heard Baekhyun calling him his friend. “If it’s too much trouble, I can always just come back later…?”

“No, no, it’s good. Jongin!” Baekhyun rushed in and began to hit Jongin’s butt repeatedly. _Seems like they’re already close,_ Chanyeol thought to himself. _It took days for Jongdae and I to even have a proper conversation._

Jongin made a muffled groaning sound, but finally began to move. He shifted himself upwards on his bed and rubbed his eyes, blinking slowly. Finally, he yawned and looked around.

“Did you leave early too?” Jongin asked Baekhyun.

“Yeah, I was getting really bored. I can’t believe you didn’t even go to lunch.”

Jongin shrugged. “I’ll eat later. Who’s your friend?”

Chanyeol straightened his posture when the attention turned to him. “Hi Jongin, I’m Chanyeol. I’m a sophomore who lives in the music dorms and I’m Baekhyun’s orientation leader.” He went to walk over to shake Jongin’s hand, but tripped on an open suitcase on the floor.

Baekhyun stifled a laugh, but reached down to close the suitcase. “Sorry, I should’ve moved this out of the way.”

“It’s all good, don’t worry.” Chanyeol paused to scan their room, taking in as much detail as he could. Some of the posters Baekhyun originally had on his wall at home were there, along with some portable game consoles and a pair of expensive looking headphones. His breath hitched when he noticed a decent amount of camera equipment in the corner of the room under his bed: a reminder that all of this was _very much real_.

“So, do you like it here?” Jongin asked Chanyeol, interrupting his train of thought.

“Oh, yeah. It’s great here! The professors are great and super helpful as long as you communicate with them, and we have a really strong performance program so I’m sure you’ll both love that. Of course, you guys are also welcome to join me and my roommate for lunch at any time.” Chanyeol smiled warmly at them, genuinely meaning it. Even if he wasn’t aware of Baekhyun prior, he genuinely wanted to get to know him, and his roommate seemed to be endearing as well.

“Oh wow, thank you so much,” Jongin grinned, while at the same time Baekhyun said “I’m _totally_ gonna take you up on that offer, as soon as possible!”

“Technically, I still have to watch after Baekhyun until tomorrow, so if you both want to meet me after orientation officially ends I can show you guys my room and we can go to lunch?” Chanyeol suggested, his tone inquisitive.

“You’re already acting like my babysitter,” Baekhyun pouted, crossing his arms. “I think you forgot we’re the same age.”

“I think _you_ forget it’s my job to do this,” Chanyeol teased him, staring down at the smaller man. Damn, their height difference was cute.

“Yeah, yeah,” Baekhyun dismissed with a wave of his hand.

Chanyeol giggled again, his entire body laughing with him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? And Jongin too?”

Both of them nodded, but Baekhyun threw in an extra wink that had Chanyeol’s stomach in knots.

“Don’t be late like today!” Baekhyun mocked.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, pretending to be mad at him, then waved goodbye and shut the door behind him. He waited until he was out of the performance dorms entirely until he got out his phone and (once again) began his _crisis calling mood_.

“Sehun? Are you free right now?” He paused. “Can you come on campus? I have something _major_ to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twitter](http://twitter.com/himchuan) • [tumblr](http://tatsmato.tumblr.com) • [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/cnu)  
> 


	4. Beauty Tip #4: Take Advantage Of Your Youth!

“Isn’t my new car just the greatest? I told you.”

“Sehun, not now. Though it is pretty cool.”

Chanyeol watched as Sehun got out of his car (a sleek black Benz that cost more than his tuition) and stretched.

“Yo,” he waved to his best friend. “Long time no see.”

The two of them reached out to shake hands before pulling each other into a warm hug.

“How have you been? You look great!” Chanyeol exclaimed, pulling away first and patting Sehun’s arms.

“Pretty well, actually. Community college is going the same as always. My schedule’s pretty good though, and Tao and I are making bank right now.”

“You mean your vape modeling job.”

Sehun shrugged. “Money’s hard to come by these days, I’ll take what I can get. Anyway, you gotta show me your new room and everything.”

“I will eventually,” Chanyeol affirmed. “I just wanted to talk to you first about something important first.”

“Oh, right. It’s not bad, is it?”

“Um,” Chanyeol paused. He wasn’t really sure how to define the situation he was in. “I’m not really sure? Let’s just sit down outside and talk for a bit, okay?”

Chanyeol led him to the smoking area outside of his dorm, not missing the cigarette pack peaking out of his pocket, and chose a secluded bench directly under the shade. He sighed, trying to sort out his own thoughts in order to chose a starting point.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he groaned, ruffling his long hair. “Do you remember the time I called you and asked about your sexuality?”

Sehun squinted, trying to recall. “How long ago was that?”

“Almost two years ago,” Chanyeol shifted awkwardly. “That day was like… really weird for me.”

“What do you mean? I mean, besides calling me and asking about my sexual attraction to the male gender.”

Chanyeol worried at his lip, feeling anxious. “A week before I called you, I walked in on my sister watching a makeup tutorial made by a guy. At the time I was really confused as to why it was a _man_ , so some time after I searched his name to figure out if he was being serious or not. I found this one video of him talking about his sexuality, and it really got to me for some reason. I kinda realized that I never thought about my identity before, remember? I guess I just went with whatever everyone else assumed I was.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to continue, but stopped when Sehun stood up and ran away. “Um, where are you going?” He looked around to make sure he wasn’t just imagining his best friend get up and leave him in the middle of a discussion. “Is he serious?” He murmured aloud to himself.

“Baekhyun-hyung!” Sehun yelled, causing Chanyeol to choke on his spit. He scanned the surrounding area to find Baekhyun walking out of his dorm holding some papers.

“Oh Sehun!” Baekhyun called out across from where they were standing. “What the fuck is your gorgeous ass doing here?!”

“You guys _know each other_?” Chanyeol asked through his teeth, watching as Baekhyun leapt into Sehun’s arms.

“ _You_ know him?” Baekhyun question. “I stayed at Sehun’s apartment for like, a month over the summer.”

“You roomed with Tao, not me,” Sehun joked, pushing his shoulder.

“I came for Tao, I stayed for you.”

Chanyeol’s eyes flickered between the two of them, trying to assess the situation.

“Is this actually happening right now?” He mumbled under his breath.

“Did you say something?” Baekhyun asked him.

“No no, sorry,” Chanyeol stammered. It seemed even before he formally met Baekhyun, he was already heavily integrated in his life.

“Oh right,” Sehun spoke up, “I can talk to you later Baekhyun, but we’re kind of busy right now. Text me?”

“I got you, I got you,” Baekhyun confirmed, rubbing Sehun’s back. “See you tomorrow, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol waited until Baekhyun was out of earshot, then turned to Sehun with wide eyes.

“You knew Baekhyun,” he started, “and you didn’t tell me?”

“What are you talking about?” Sehun stared at him.

“That phone call we had? When I mentioned Baekhyun?”

Sehun licked his lips, visibly confused. He rubbed at his chin for a moment before clasping his hands together and gasping. “Wait, that’s _him_?”

“How many other people named Baekhyun do you know?!”

“I never made the connection,” Sehun whined. “You gotta believe me, hyung.”

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol dismissed, his voice raising in pitch. “I mean, it would’ve only made my life one-hundred times easier if I knew about this beforehand, but it’s okay! Everything is fine!”

“Hyung, something’s been off with you lately, especially when Baekhyun is mentioned.” Sehun paused to ruffle Chanyeol’s long hair. “Have you liked him for this long?”

“I don’t like him,” Chanyeol argued, his jaw tense. “I mean, I like him as a person, but I hardly know the guy!” He swatted Sehun’s hand away from his hair and turned to face him directly. “Before you ran into Baekhyun, I was talking about the guy who was doing makeup tutorials online, and how that more or less gave me a huge identity crisis. Or rather, still is I guess.”

“Wait, wait,” Sehun put his hands up, “I already see the connection here. You came to me about Baekhyun-hyung a week after you first discovered those makeup videos, and he’s almost always wearing a shitload of makeup--”

“Don’t say it out loud!” Chanyeol squeaked, slamming his hand over Sehun’s mouth. “This secret needs to _die_ with you, do you understand? He specifically said in one of his videos that he doesn’t want people on campus to know about his makeup channel.”

They were both silent for a moment, Chanyeol’s face beet red and Sehun’s expression rather droll.

“Well, this explains why he was always talking about vlogs when he stayed with me and Tao,” Sehun finally added.

Chanyeol grumbled. “Is that all you have to say?”

“What else do you want me to add? So you discovered someone that made you think about life in a different way, so what? You’re not that old, hyung. Did you really think you would always be the same person?”

“I mean, of course not,” Chanyeol scoffed, “I just don’t like it.”

“Don’t like what?”

Chanyeol gripped his shorts tightly as a way to ground him. “I’m not comfortable with myself anymore. It’s more than just my perception of my sexuality, it’s like…” He paused to let out a frustrated sound. “Augh, I don’t know anymore!” He groaned and frantically gestured to his body. “I don’t feel like _this_ belongs to me! I stopped cutting my hair and I wear facial makeup now, but I feel like it’s all just to cover up my raw self!”

Sehun sighed, taking in Chanyeol’s honest words. “I’m sorry you’ve been holding this in for so long. You know you can tell me anything, right? Even if you think it sounds stupid, it won’t to me. It sounds like you’re in a state of dysphoria.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You could get professional help,” Sehun suggested. “Don’t they offer therapy on campus?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “They do, but it costs money and I don’t think I’m emotionally ready for that.”

“Then for now, why don’t you just try to get through each and every day? That seems like a good place to start.”

“I’m not dying, you know.”

“I know,” Sehun rolled his eyes. “I want you to be more kind to yourself.”

“I have a saying,” Chanyeol admitted. “ _I will find myself._ I tell myself this every single night, Sehun. It’s been over a year since I began to say this, and not once have I forgotten to say it before I sleep. I didn’t even stop when I first began to room with Jongdae.” He paused to rub his temples. “I know I’ll get there eventually, it’s just I’m only seeing steps A and C, and not B. You get me?”

Sehun nodded. “I really think you’re doing better than most people your age already. I wish you could see that.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol said, smiling slightly. He didn’t sound happy. “I wish I could too.”

 

* * *

 

Though Sehun had to part ways with Chanyeol once the sun began to set, the two continued to text each other throughout the remainder of the day. Chanyeol appreciated how Sehun strayed away from any topic that could potentially remind him of himself or Baekhyun. Though he felt silly directly after his rant, he still couldn’t shake off the feeling of general discomfort. He repeated his usual mantra to himself before going to bed, but this time while looking in the mirror.

 **_You_ ** _will find yourself._

Chanyeol found it difficult to sleep that night, tossing and turning and getting up at various times during the middle of the night to scroll through his notifications. Eventually, sleep came to him, but was just as quickly robbed from him when Jongdae walked into their room carrying three bags (one in his mouth).

“Roomie!” He attempted to whisper, but it sounded more along the lines of repressed shouting. Chanyeol grunted to show he was awake, but made no attempt to get out of bed.

“Rough day, huh?” Jongdae threw his bags on the floor, causing Chanyeol to flinch at the noise. “Well, I said we could talk about it tomorrow if you still wanna.”

“Just ask Sehun later,” Chanyeol spoke into his pillow. “I don’t feel like re-explaining the same shit twenty times in a row.”

“Aw, roomie, I’m sorry you’re not as chipper as usual.” Jongdae bent down next to Chanyeol and ruffled his hair, watching as Chanyeol subconsciously leaned into the touch.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Jongdae mumbled, actually making an attempt to be quiet this time. “Your hair got longer. It’s almost down to your collarbones.”

They were both silent for a moment, and Chanyeol found himself falling back asleep while Jongdae continued to pet him. “You look pretty,” he admitted after a while.

Chanyeol’s eyes shot open.

Jongdae noticed and recoiled from his hair. “Sorry if I crossed a line. Double sorry for not ending my compliment with the traditional _no homo bro_ , because I’m sure you missed that shit.”

“No, it’s fine,” Chanyeol assured him. He licked his lips, trying to process his emotions. “I took it as a compliment.”

“Ah. Okay. Well, that’s good then.”

Pause.

“Your hair really does suit you. I hope you know that. And, uh, I hope you know how much I missed you, roomie.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes again, shifting into Jongdae’s knees. “Missed you too. Though I hope you realize I have to get up in like, an hour, and I really need to sleep.”

“Shit, sorry!” Jongdae got up and began rummaging through one of his bags, looking for something to change into. He took off his shirt and quickly changed into boxers.

“Mickey mouse boxers? Really?”

“Leave me alone, Minseok gave them to me before he graduated. Also, you’re one to talk. You have some of the most childish boxers I’ve ever seen.”

“I get a lot of underwear during holidays.”

“That’s even more childish. Now move over, I call the left side of the bed from this moment on.”

“But you’ve always been the right side!”

“Not anymore! Now scoot.” Jongdae prodded at Chanyeol’s back with his foot, forcing him to move.

“I hate you,” Chanyeol whined.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Jongdae shot back, chuckling lightly. He reached over Chanyeol and gently wrapped his arms around him. Damn him for knowing Chanyeol loved being the little spoon. It was getting harder and harder to pretend to hate Jongdae with every passing day.

“Goodnight,” Chanyeol told him, attempting to sound stern.

“You too,” Jongdae replied, soft and genuine.

They both fell asleep in record time.

 

* * *

 

Surprisingly, Chanyeol woke up on time without disturbing Jongdae and was able to make it to orientation around twenty minutes early. He sat by the same tree as yesterday, waiting for his group to trail in. Baekhyun was the first to arrive, holding a tumbler in one hand and the same headphones Chanyeol saw in his room in the other.

“Mornin’,” he said as he plopped down next to Chanyeol, giving his tumbler a good shake. “Did you sleep well?”

“I’ve had better nights,” Chanyeol admitted. “My roommate came in sometime past 5:00 in the morning, but he actually helped me fall asleep.”

Baekhyun whistled. “Don’t you guys have to get up really early though? That sucks man.”

Chanyeol shrugged. “I’m used to not sleeping well lately. Both my roommate and I think we got paired together for our mutually awful sleeping habits.”

Baekhyun snorted, put his tumbler on the grass and leaned back to get more comfortable. Chanyeol tried not to stare at his eyes, watching the glitter around his tear ducts sparkle in the morning sun.

“I don’t think there’s a single college student out there who has good sleeping habits.”

“So you think you won’t have a good sleep schedule?”

“Oh please, my bad habits are already set in stone. My sleeping habits better pray they don’t reach the level of my other ones.”

Chanyeol paused to study Baekhyun’s unreadable expression. It seemed that everything he said didn’t phase him, and he could never tell if he was supposed to laugh or pity him.

“Oh!” Baekhyun shot up suddenly, nearly knocking his tumbler over in the process. “It looks like Jongin is finally awake. Do you think I’ll have time to run and say hi to him? He was asleep when I left so I haven’t spoken to him in a while.”

Chanyeol opened his phone to check the time. Fourteen minutes to go.

“I think you’ll be fine,” he assured him. “I’d just come back when things start to get crowded, anyway.”

“Good idea. Be back in ten!”

Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun ran off, not looking back. He fidgeted with his phone’s ringer button for a moment before going to text Sehun.

 

[8:46 AM PST] **pcy** : hey

[8:46 AM PST] **pcy** : do you know if baekhyun is like… fake

[8:47 AM PST] **oohun** : ??? wdym

[8:47 AM PST] **pcy** : like… does he act differently around certain people

[8:47 AM PST] **pcy** : or is he like really vague or a tease

[8:48 AM PST] **oohun** : mm

[8:48 AM PST] **oohun** : idk man he was pretty upfront when he lived with me but like thats probably bc tao was there

[8:49 AM PST] **oohun** : he was really open abt how much he wanted my ass tho

[8:50 AM PST] **pcy** : i’m sorry what???

[8:50 AM PST] **oohun** : o shit lmao

[8:50 AM PST] **oohun** : yea man we hooked up once

[8:50 AM PST] **oohun** : it was great

[8:50 AM PST] **pcy** : .

[8:51 AM PST] **oohun** : ok wait sorry if i crossed a line hyung

[8:51 AM PST] **oohun** : but yea. i can see him being fake but i think he just has a lot of baggage LMFAO

[8:51 AM PST] **oohun** : i hardly know anything abt him. tao knows more than most but surprisingly he refuses to share with me?? and u kno how open tao can be

[8:52 AM PST] **pcy** : -_(:3 」∠)_

[8:52 AM PST] **pcy** : i should go but ugh

[8:52 AM PST] **pcy** : can you tell me more about the hookup later… or is that too nosy

[8:52 AM PST] **oohun** : dude its fine. ur my best friend remember. im always willing to spill tea with u

[8:53 AM PST] **pcy** : sehun were talking about someone you hooked up with, this “tea” directly involves you

[8:54 AM PST] **oohun** : yea ikr

[8:54 AM PST] **oohun** : anyway thirsty thursday is starting this week right?

[8:54 AM PST] **pcy** : yup

[8:54 AM PST] **oohun** : great. ill be there

[8:55 AM PST] **oohun** : i cant wait to fucking die bc i wont have classes on friday this sem so im totally going all out

[8:56 AM PST] **pcy** : jeez okay

[8:56 AM PST] **pcy** : ill see you then i guess

[8:56 AM PST] **pcy** : just stay safe (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾ i really have to go now okay

[8:57 AM PST] **oohun** : yea yea got it ok love u hyung and all that other shit bye

 

Chanyeol closed his messaging app just moments before Baekhyun came bolting back to him like an overenthusiastic puppy.

“I told you I’d make it back in time,” Baekhyun bragged, his arms in the air.

“You said no such thing,” Chanyeol playfully argued. “You had to ask me if it was even a good idea.”

Baekhyun stuck his tongue out at him. Chanyeol went to reciprocate the action, but was brought back to reality when one of his freshman cleared their throat in slight annoyance.

“I’ve already been around the campus like, ten times,” the freshman complained, “so I really don’t wanna do this again. Can we just get this over with?”

Yikes. “This isn’t high school, you know,” Chanyeol told the freshman. “I can’t make you do anything. No one is going to yell at you if you don’t go on tour with us, but I hope you know no one is going to offer to help you around if you have an attitude like that.”

His freshman began to stir, some of them snickering, others nodding in approval, and a few even nervously looked around. He heard Baekhyun whistle next to him and felt him pat his shoulder in agreement.

“I mean, I say that, but I’m still always here for you guys,” Chanyeol blurted a beat later, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Authority really didn’t look good on him, apparently. “Now then, I see we have everyone here, right?” He paused to let his group confirm. “Okay, great! We’ll start by touring the various educational buildings before moving onto the dorms, and I’ll just cover anything miscellaneous in-between. That sound cool?”

 _Of course it doesn’t sound cool_ , he thought to himself. However, no one could read his mind, so they agreed once more. All of them got up at the same time, trailing behind Chanyeol like little ducklings, though Baekhyun walked directly next to Chanyeol. He chose to ignore the sudden increase of butterflies in his stomach.

“Well, I’m sure everyone is familiar with the dining hall,” he pointed to the large, three-story building directly in front of them. “The first floor has a really nice lounge that can be a fun place to study, even if they don’t let you bring food down there. Sometimes people hook up video game consoles to the television set down there and play games.”

“Oh my god,” Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol enthusiastically, “do you play games?”

Taken aback, Chanyeol halted in place for a moment, his group mimicking the action. “Yeah, when I can. I’ve been trying to play less and focus more on music, though.”

“Oh please, you’re a music major!” Baekhyun grabbed his arm. Chanyeol wondered if he was this touchy with everyone, or only with him. Probably everyone. “I’m sure you’re already good enough.”

“I’m never good enough,” Chanyeol shrugged, his words coming out darker than intended. He ignored Baekhyun’s pouting and continued his tour. “Anyway, the dining hall is on both the second and third floors. We can’t go in there right now because they’re cleaning up breakfast, but all freshman are required to have a meal plan, so you guys have already seen it.”

“I didn’t know there was a third floor,” the same freshman from earlier commented.

“See? You’re benefitting from this after all,” Chanyeol turned the freshman, flashing a warm smile. Maybe he wasn’t _always_ cool, but he certainly had his moments.

He led the group around campus, discussing the various classrooms and occasionally taking them in any open buildings. His bias showed through when they arrived at one of the music mixing rooms, and Chanyeol spent nearly ten minutes merely explaining what kind of equipment they had in stock.

“You’re really cute when you talk about your passions, you know,” Baekhyun commented in a hushed voice, so that no one but Chanyeol would hear him. Flustered, Chanyeol could only bring himself to nod and try not to choke on his own spit.

The tour ended around two hours later, with the entire group eating lunch together. Chanyeol took them to the third floor of the dining hall, showing off the outdoor porch many people seemed to miss. Of course, Baekhyun sat right next to Chanyeol, chatting happily to anyone who was willing to listen. He occasionally nudged Chanyeol’s legs with his feet, or brushed his hands across his arms when reaching for extra napkins. Chanyeol didn’t seem to eat much that afternoon.

Due to Baekhyun’s earlier actions, Chanyeol found himself on edge. He complimented him, and it felt _wonderful_ , but he couldn’t help but feel that he was being toyed with. The combination of his conversation with Sehun and Baekhyun’s playful flirting had his stomach in knots. Classes hadn’t even officially started yet and Chanyeol was already extremely stressed out. He sighed, pulling his phone out once more.

 

 _HOE CITY_ (5 contacts in group chat: **chennie** , **oohun** , **minne** , **xing** , **taotao** )

[12:06 PM PST] **pcy** : my sober sister days are over

[12:06 PM PST] **pcy** : i’m on for thirsty thurs

[12:06 PM PST] **pcy** : pregame in me and jongdae’s room?

[12:07 PM PST] **chennie** : oh FUCK YES

[12:07 PM PST] **chennie** : lets get you FUCKED UP BOI

 

Chanyeol wondered if he was being impulsive. Then again, what was the point of being young if you weren’t impulsive (and possibly crushing on a YouTuber)?


	5. Beauty Tip #5: Never Give Up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings include implied dysphoria, alcohol and drug mention. enjoy the very obvious reference as well ♡♡♡

“I can’t believe I’m going to die tomorrow,” Jongdae tells Chanyeol when he comes home from class. “I can’t believe _you’re_ going to die tomorrow. We’re going to die together.”

“You’re still in bed?” Chanyeol observes as he throws his backpack on his chair, ignoring Jongdae’s mini-rant.

“Class isn’t until 2:00pm. I’m not moving until 1:45pm.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Please, Chanyeol, I’m a pro at leaving for class at the last minute. By the way, I don’t get out until 6:00pm, so can you meet up with Yixing-hyung and pick up the alcohol he bought around 4:00pm? He has class right after that, so yeah.”

“Um, sure, but why can’t he just bring it over tomorrow?”

Jongdae shifted his weight so he was sitting up in bed, and shook his head. “Tsk tsk, roomie. This is what you get for tuning out all our stupid drunk shenanigans for the past two terms.”

Chanyeol crossed his arms and glared at Jongdae, but it was obvious his attempt at being a threat wasn’t working. Jongdae got up and pat Chanyeol on the back.

“Minseok-hyung is visiting tonight after dinner, so he’ll tell you what’s up.” Jongdae paused to let Chanyeol nod, as confused as he was. “You know what, I think I will get ready for class early. Don’t forget, okay?”

“I’m not going to,” Chanyeol whined, shadowing Jongdae by crawling into bed. Jongdae picked up his bag and rushed out the door, choosing not saying _bye_ until the door shut. Chanyeol shut his eyes for a few minutes, relaxing his unreasonably jumpy nerves, and tried not to focus on anything. When he stood still for long enough, he got out of bed to change into his favorite t-shirt-- a faded but colorful tye-dye shirt that was far too big for even himself. He thought of it as a wearable security blanket. Plus, it made his bare legs look really pretty.

Chanyeol sat down at his desk, tied his hair up, and pushed his bangs out of his face with a headband. He opened one of his desk drawers to take out a magnifying mirror, and studied his face with it. He clicked his tongue in annoyance as he counted the new blemishes on his face. His BB cream claimed it was anti-acne, but he wasn’t too sure about that. _Buy more concealer_ , he typed into his phone’s reminders app, before going back to studying his face.

He reached into his tiny makeup pouch (an old pencil case), took out a pair of tweezers, and began to pluck away any stray hairs on his face. His eyes watered when he pulled on a hair just below his chin, sighing over how often he had to do this. When Chanyeol finished, he tossed the tweezers back where they belonged. However, instead of closing everything up, he reached into the pouch to take out a small, four-tone eyeshadow palette that was still sealed. The palette was a gift to himself for finishing his first year of college, but he had never used it since he purchased it all those months ago.

Chanyeol looked around his room, reassuring himself that he was completely alone, and broke the seal with his fingernails. He slowly opened the lid, as if he was operating on a time bomb and one wrong move would ruin everything. When he opened it as much as possible, he gingerly removed the plastic sheet of paper and set it aside for later. He dipped his pinky finger in one of the eyeshadow pans and rubbed it around until some of the pigment stuck to his skin. He mimicked what Baekhyun did in a past video when he bought a new eyeshadow palette, and swatched the pigment over his wrist. Chanyeol was a little let down when it wasn’t as colorful as Baekhyun’s swatch, but the palette was only $2 after all.

When he finished swatching the colors, his eyes wandered from the palette to his mirror. He had two hours of time to kill, and he wasn’t about to watch Zootopia again for the third time that week. Plus, he really didn’t want his $2 to go to waste.

He considered rewatching one of Baekhyun’s eyeshadow tutorials, but the thought of seeing him on his laptop screen these days made Chanyeol feel strange. Instead, he opted for trial and error, hoping he would have enough makeup remover wipes to last him the afternoon.

Thankfully, the palette was very user-friendly; each eyeshadow pan had a label engraved into it that explained what it should be used for or where it should go on the eye. Chanyeol toyed with the brush that came with the palette, not really enjoying the way it felt on his skin, and decided to use his fingers to apply the eyeshadow.

He started with the base shade-- a matte pale pink shade that made his entire face look younger in appearance. He then moved on to a pretty sparkly plum shade, and used his pinky to apply it across his lid. When he leaned back to examine his work, he felt his heart drop when he noticed how uneven his application was due to his large hands. In an attempt to fix his mistakes, he rolled a makeup wipe up around his pointer finger and began to shape the shadow to properly fit his eye shape. He glanced at the mirror again, and sighed in relief at the sight of symmetry. Chanyeol then dabbed a matte chocolate shade into his crease carefully, making sure that the eyeshadow wouldn’t spill onto his cheeks or get in his waterline. He felt proud of himself for understanding what to do without having to search certain terms or look at a guideline, until he glanced at the final eyeshadow tin. It was a dark, shimmery brown shade that was meant to line the eyes, but Chanyeol didn’t have an eyeliner brush. The only solution he could think of was texting Baekhyun and asking if he had a spare brush, but he didn’t want the YouTuber to be aware of what he was doing.

He sighed, and wiped his eyes in frustration, forgetting he just spent the past half hour working on his face. Chanyeol gasped in shock when he noticed all his hard work rubbed off on his hands.

“Oh no,” he mumbled to himself, feeling his throat tighten, “oh no, no, no.” He glanced in the mirror to find his makeup wasn’t smudged as badly as he thought, and forced himself to calm down.

He had no idea why he was so close to crying. Blinking tears back, he picked up another makeup wipe and gently removed the smudges under his eyes caused from his hand and emotional distress. He then closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and forced himself to relax. He reached into his makeup pouch to take out some powder foundation, and dabbed it all over himself to cover the flush on his face. He quickly put the mirror and makeup pouch away, pushing his adventure in self-discovery aside yet again.

Chanyeol was tired. He was tired of having regular occurring existential crises, he was tired of feeling like he needed to put on a front of happiness, and he was downright exhausted from trying to figure out his identity. He was often tempted to say _fuck it_ and do whatever felt right to him, but he cared far too much for the people around him. His biggest fear was scaring his loved ones off. He was certain if he shared his worries with Sehun he would say ‘ _anyone who can’t accept you for who you are doesn’t deserve your love_ ,’ but he still didn’t want people to reject him.

So he put it off. He didn’t think or talk about it. The only ways he could escape from the harsh noise in his brain involved music, his favorite anime, or (to his dismay) makeup. If his makeup journey didn’t go the way he pre-planned it out in his head, it would only make him feel worse. As someone who was used to go going with the flow, Chanyeol felt like he was losing sight of himself more and more every day.

He took out his phone and decided to send pictures of his makeup to Sehun, regardless of his brain yelling at him not to. He added cute stickers to his cheeks, and his send. When he heard his phone vibrate, he ignored it, and instead toyed with his t-shirt to distract himself. It was only until his phone went off again minutes later that he chose to check Sehun’s response.

 

[3:02 PM PST] **oohun** : oh my god u look great

[3:07 PM PST] **oohun** : i mean that ok. u look beautiful.

 

Chanyeol tried not to get emotional once more, but this time, he failed.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Chanyeol found himself dragging his tired body upstairs to Yixing’s room. He put the bag he brought with him on the floor and knocked on his door. No answer. He counted to ten in his head, then knocked again. When no one answered the second time, he took it upon himself to crack the door open slightly.

“Hello? Yixing, are you in there?” Chanyeol called out in English. Though there were no formalities between the two, it often caused Chanyeol to sound nervous around him.

He poked his head into his room, only to find Yixing huddled around his computer with  headphones on. The music was so loud that Chanyeol could hear the baseline through the thick headphones. In order to not scare him, Chanyeol slowly approached him and knocked on the wall. Yixing’s shoulders tensed slightly, and he paused the music he was working on. When he removed his headphones and turned to see who was visiting him, he broke out into a soft smile.

“Hi Chanyeol,” he greeted warmly, getting up to face the taller man. “I haven’t had time to stop by and say hi yet to you and Jongdae, so I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Chanyeol assured him, and embraced Yixing. He giggled when Yixing ruffled his hair.

“This looks good on you,” Yixing observed. “Long hair, I mean.”

Chanyeol blushed and nodded.

“I’d love to talk more with you,” Yixing started as he opened his mini-fridge, “but I already have a lot of work to do. Cons of being a senior, I guess.” He laughed to himself, a sound that reminded Chanyeol of silver bells. “Living alone is very nice, though. I can keep all of this--” he gestured to his fridge full of alcohol, “--to myself, and it is perfectly legal.”

“Oh wow,” Chanyeol bent down to properly look at what Yixing had in stock. He counted two wine boxes, a handle of vodka, extremely cheap gin, and three tiny whiskey bottles. More alcohol seemed to poke out from the back of the fridge, being concealed by a row of beer. Chanyeol wrinkled his nose at the sight of the beer.

“I know,” Yixing chuckled at Chanyeol’s awe before sifting through the fridge. He took out one of the wine boxes (the red one), along with two of the small whiskey bottles. He then grabbed the vodka, and finally reached into the back to pull out the obscured drinks.

“Bacardi?” Chanyeol asked tentatively, unfamiliar with the label.

“This is white rum,” Yixing explained, shaking the bottle slightly. He handed the drink to Chanyeol, along with the others. “I don’t think you’ll like it, but Jongdae wanted it for you just incase.”

“If I won’t like it, then why would he ask for me to have it?”

Yixing gave him a pitiful smile. “Because the drink Minseok mixes for us is _very_ strong, and extremely nasty.”

“How so? I heard mixed drinks normally are yummy…” Chanyeol trailed off, playing with the rim of his t-shirt.

“Cough syrup,” Yixing lowered his voice, “doesn’t exactly taste good in drinks.”

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol groaned. “That’s… this is a lot.”

Yixing hummed to himself. “I can always give you some beer instead, if you want something lighter.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “Fermented pee? No thanks.”

Yixing laughed again, louder this time. “Do you like tonic?” Chanyeol shrugged, unsure. “If the drink Minseok makes intimidates you, or if you find the Bacardi to be too difficult to get down, mixing gin with tonic water is a nice alternative.” He set the gin down on his desk for Chanyeol to take. “Also, you know you don’t even have to drink, right? I understand you haven’t actually ever been drunk before.”

A lie, but no one knew that except Sehun. Chanyeol thought back to the time he drank eight beers in a row right before college and called his best friend while sobbing hysterically. He was lucky beer tasted like absolute _piss_ to him, and that he could use that excuse whenever someone asked him why he refrained from drinking it.

“I want to,” Chanyeol insisted. “This is kind of the only time I’ll be able to drink freely, both literally and physically.” He silently thanked his still teenage body for its fast metabolism.

“About that,” Yixing looked up at him, “did you forget to bring the money over?”

Chanyeol blinked. “The what?”

“The money. Jongdae promised me you two would give me $5 for the alcohol today. Everyone else is pitching in, you two are honestly the only ones who are splitting the $5.”

Damn Jongdae for forgetting to inform him. “Uh, sure, hold on,” Chanyeol fumbled for his wallet, praying he had enough money. “Is four ones and a bunch of change okay?”

Yixing nodded. “Just put it on my table, please. Oh, and when Minseok comes over, could you ask him to come upstairs and visit me when he’s done making the drinks? I’d love to see him again.”

“Sure, hyung.”

“You don’t have to call me that.”

“Ah, sorry!” Chanyeol flapped his arms by his face, fanning away his embarrassment. “Force of habit.”

“Don’t worry. Take care of yourself, Chanyeol,” Yixing reminded him as he made his way out.

“I will,” Chanyeol promised, before closing Yixing’s door and heading back to his own room. Maybe it was obvious that he was slowly slipping away, or maybe Yixing was just too observant for his own good.

 

* * *

 

Chanyeol practically felt his soul leave his body when Jongdae slammed open their dorm room without notice.

“If you’re going to do that,” Chanyeol scolded him once he was finished yelping in fear, “please knock first!” He turned around from his desk to meet Minseok’s eyes.

“Oh! Hi hyung,” Chanyeol reached out to shake Minseok’s hand and give him a pat on the back. “How’s grad school?”

“It hasn’t started yet for me,” Minseok told him as he set a plastic bag down on Jongdae’s desk, and began to empty its contents. Chanyeol was grateful Yixing warned him about the intensity of the drink, because he felt his heart stop momentarily when he saw what Minseok brought with him.

The cough syrup was present as promised, along with a bottle of Mountain Dew and a colorful box labeled _KOKOBOP_ that made Chanyeol’s stomach flip.

“You picked up the stuff from Yixing, right?” Minseok asked. Chanyeol nodded and reached into his bag to pull out the various kinds of alcohol he received. He kept the Bacardi and gin in the bag, unsure if he should mention it or not.

“Franzia, huh?” Minseok muttered as he picked up the wine box and read the label. “I guess it’s fitting for your first time drinking this shit.”

Chanyeol tilted his head in ignorance, unsure of what Minseok was alluding to. Luckily, Jongdae big mouth seemed to always speak for him.

“Such a classic!” Jongdae laughed as he went to rest his chin on Minseok’s shoulder. “Of course Yixing would pick the bottom of the barrel for this occasion.”

“Well, I did say it was perfect for Chanyeol’s first time.”

Chanyeol felt his lip twitch, slightly bothered his friends were talking about him like he wasn’t even in the room. He chose to ignore the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s not like  there was anything he had to contribute, anyway.

“Do you want to see how I make this?” Minseok looked up at Chanyeol, suddenly invested in including him. Chanyeol felt his shoulders go lax.

“Sure thing, I guess,” Chanyeol shrugged, trying to hide the fact that Minseok’s question made him feel a million times better than five seconds ago. He walked closer to Minseok and watched as he laid out a plastic spoon and a large, empty pitcher.

“It’s nasty as fuck,” Jongdae joked in Minseok's ear, causing the eldest to swat at him with the spoon.

“You’re gonna scare him off,” Minseok murmured. “Chanyeol, this is probably going to be a terrible introduction to the world of drinking, but I promise you it isn’t as bad as Jongdae is making it out to be.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol nodded, not feeling any reassurance from Minseok’s words.  

Chanyeol and Jongdae watched in silence as Minseok began to work on the concoction. He poured a large portion of the wine out into the pitcher, and cracked open the two whiskey bottles with his teeth.

“You looked like a chipmunk when you did that,” Jongdae broke the silence and stifled a laugh.

“Shut up.”

“Yes Minseokkie- _hyung_.”

Minseok snorted at Jongdae’s playful tone, but chose not to reply. Instead, he focused his attention back on the task at hand. He mixed the whiskey and wine together with the spoon, then reached for the vodka and poured a cup into the mixture. Chanyeol scrunched his nose up at the smell, which reminded him of Yoora’s nail polish remover.

“Now for the fun part,” Minseok told them. He dumped the Mountain Dew into the mixture until the pitcher was about to overflow, then reached for the cough syrup. Chanyeol watched with wide eyes as he poured the mixture into the deep red drink, thankfully stopping before Chanyeol had to ask him to.

“Honestly, the cough syrup part is mostly just for show,” Jongdae turned to Chanyeol. “We get to brag about how much we hate ourselves by consuming something so awful, and the cough syrup is just the icing on the cake.”

“I would agree with you,” Minseok interrupted, “if we didn’t have these. He picked up the colorful box from earlier and gave it a shake.

“What’s in there?” Chanyeol asked, curious.

“Ko Ko Bop,” Minseok grinned. “I’m not going to mix it in the actual drink, no-- it would be too difficult to predict how the drink would affect us. I just wanted to show _you_ it, Chanyeol.”

“What does it do?”

“It’s highly concentrated in THC, I’ll tell you that much. Honestly speaking,” Minseok gestured to the pitcher, “this isn’t that much alcohol. Sure, it’s very strong, but this is barely enough to split between our group chat. Typically, our pre-games attract guests, so that’s where these come in for later.”

Chanyeol shifted his weight, feeling uneasy and inexperienced. He was going to be spending a lot of time on Urban Dictionary this year, it seemed.

“Speaking of guests,” Jongdae nudged Chanyeol’s shoulder like they were sharing an inside joke, “is there anyone you wanna invite to our little get-together?”

“Oh?” Minseok glanced at Chanyeol.

_Kim Jongdae, you piece of shit_ , Chanyeol thought in the back of his head.

“I really can’t think of anyone,” Chanyeol replied, his voice short. “Have you decided on which girl is going to take your small dick this term yet?”

“Chanyeol,” Jongdae warned, “are you getting smart with your favorite roomie?”

Minseok’s gaze flashed between the two. “Well, I’m going to go stop by Yixing’s, but I’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay?” He held out both his arms as an invitation for a group hug. When they parted, he patted Jongdae cheeks and ruffled Chanyeol’s hair. “Until then!”

When Minseok shut the door, Jongdae turned to Chanyeol, his expression stern.

“W-what is it?” Chanyeol asked, feeling small.

“You have to invite Baekhyun to our party or I will make you drink the rest of that cough syrup and nothing else.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened. He always took Jongdae’s threats _very_ seriously, even if they sounded like bluffs. He had to learn that lesson the hard way.

“Okay, I’ll do it, sheesh,” Chanyeol replied, turning away.

“I’m trying to help you!” Jongdae whined.

“By threatening me?” Chanyeol raised an eyebrow.

“ _Borderline_ threatening.”

“Whatever. It’s been a really stressful week so far, I just hope he says yes at this point if I’m being honest.”

“Please,” Jongdae rolled his eyes, “Baekhyun is practically drooling over you. I saw the way he stared at you when you walked home with him from class the other day. The dude wants your dick bad.”

Chanyeol groaned, and made a beeline for their bed. “I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”

“Okay, roomie. Just don’t fall asleep when I know you have a shitload of homework.”

 

Of course, Chanyeol fell asleep, and Jongdae never woke him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -the makeup palette chanyeol was using [(blushing beauty)](https://www.elfcosmetics.com/p/flawless-eyeshadow?&gclid=Cj0KCQjw--DLBRCNARIsAFIwR265UyHb2-7aIHknMGVUQh_qOrT-Asn1rN_mr8VtfoxRVzYWTfmRFc4aAlagEALw_wcB)  
> -franzia is a brand of boxed wine, and though boxed wine is relatively cheap, franzia is most often seen at college parties  
> -ko ko bop is a drug in this fic, similar to edibles only faster in how it effects your body and would be classified as a dissociative drug


	6. Beauty Tip #6: Some Trends Never Last!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 and 6 were originally going to be just one chapter, but this one is long and very complicated.  
> some warnings that must be addressed before you proceed: there is a LOT of alcohol use in this chapter. there is also drug use and descriptions of how it effects the body, but there are no bad trips. there is heavily implied polyamory, social anxiety, use of pet names, brief concerns of consent, and gender identity issues. i cant go into further detail about the last part due to spoilers, but if you are not comfortable with talk of gender, i would suggest you drop this fic from this point on, as it will come up more in further chapters.  
> for future reference, the chinese members only speak english in this fic when they are with the other members. in this au, they do not know korean.

Once Thursday’s classes were over and after he finished having dinner, Chanyeol rushed back to his room to prepare for the night’s events. Jongdae had instructed him to create a perfect party playlist, while he focused on hauling a stereo from the music storage room. Sehun and Tao promised they would bring enough solo cups for everyone, and Minseok and Yixing supplied the alcohol. Everything seemed to be in order, except for Chanyeol’s state of mind.

The party was supposed to begin in three hours, and Chanyeol still hadn’t asked Baekhyun if he wanted to come. He had typed out a message to send to him, but every time he opened his messaging app his fingers hovered over the send button. Chanyeol sighed to himself as he stared at the doors to the music dorms, and instead chose to walk to the performance dorms. He wasn’t even sure if Baekhyun would be in his room, but it was worth a shot.

His hand hovered over Baekhyun’s door (parallel to his texting experience), but this time, he sucked in a breath and knocked. Chanyeol was prepared to give up and go home after half a minute, but then the door swung open and caught him by surprise. He looked up to find Jongin, blinking at him slowly.

“Chanyeol...?” He stared, obviously tired. “What’s up?”

“Uh,” Chanyeol shuffled in place, unsure of what to say now that Jongin was in front of him. It wouldn’t feel right to ask Baekhyun to a party and not invite his roommate. “Is Baekhyun there?” When Jongin shook his head, Chanyeol felt himself deflate. “Ah, okay. Well, can you let him know I was looking for him?”

“Of course,” Jongin smiled at him softly. “I hope your classes have been treating you well, hyung.”

“Oh yeah, totally!” Chanyeol laughed, louder than he should have. “You too, of course.” He cleared his throat, and his brain went on autopilot. “By the way, my roommate and I are hosting a pre-game tonight, I was wondering if you and Baekhyun would want to go? Drinks are on the house.”

“Pre-game?” Jongin asked, tilting his head.

Right. Jongin was a freshman. _Ah youth_ , Chanyeol jokingly thought to himself.

“It’s basically a party before a party,” Chanyeol explained. “Showing up to a college party sober is not only uncommon, but usually uncomfortable. From, uh, from what I’ve heard at least. It’s a lot more fun to just get wasted with a bunch of people you feel safe around.” He hoped he didn’t sound as inexperienced as he actually was.

“I’m not really a party person,” Jongin started, choosing his words carefully, “but if it’s around you and Baekhyun-hyung, I think I can manage. Is it okay if I don’t go to the main party though?”

“Oh my God, of course,” Chanyeol reassured him. If Jongin was okay with going, it was practically guaranteed Baekhyun would come along with him. “Come to my room at 9:30pm, okay? We’ll have cups and everything, just bring a water bottle if you’re on the fence about anything.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Jongin grinned at him. “Baekhyun’s gonna be so excited to hear you invited him.”

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows at Jongin’s comment, but chose to ignore it as he let Jongin get back to resting.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t think he’s coming,” Chanyeol whined to Jongdae and Minseok as he watched them set up the alcohol on Jongdae desk.

“Who? Your crush?” Minseok asked him.

“Stop it,” he groaned.

“Don’t even deny it, Chanyeol,” Jongdae shot him down. “Besides, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Moving on,” Chanyeol ignored Jongdae’s remarks, “I told his roommate that they were both invited, but Baekhyun hasn’t even texted me saying he got the memo.”

“Maybe he assumed you would know he’s coming anyway,” Minseok shrugged.

“This whole situation is so--”

Chanyeol was interrupted by the sound of Sehun and Tao barging in, holding far too many solo cups than needed.

“We got the goods,” Sehun said as he dropped all the cups on the floor.

“Why would you… do that…” Minseok eyed the mess on the floor. “I’m not picking that shit up.”

“Did I hear Minseok?” Tao pushed Sehun aside, crushing a few cups in progress. He threw his own cups aside and ran into Minseok’s arms, squeezing him tightly. “Holy shit, I missed you so, so much!”

Minseok tried to hide his own joy, but caved in when he hugged Tao back. “You look bigger,” he commented, poking his sides.

“I’ve been working out,” Tao grinned, and pulled his sleeves back to reveal his arms.

“Don’t listen to him, he hates every second of exercising,” Sehun commented. Jongdae cracked up, causing Tao’s attention to focus on him. He ran over to Jongdae and picked him up, spinning him around in place until he begged him to let go.

“Do you want to get Yixing?” Minseok asked Tao once he was separated from Jongdae. “Chanyeol and Jongdae invited some friends to come over, and I kind of want the gang together before other people arrive.”

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow at Jongdae once Tao scurried out the room. “Who did you invite?”

“Some girl named Wendy,” he grinned. “She’s really cute, I actually met her in my music theory class. I told her she could bring her roommate, too.”

“We’re not going to have enough room for ten people in this room.” Chanyeol complained.

“You didn’t hear?” Jongdae said. “Thirsty Thursday is being held in _our_ building this week, roomie, so if it gets too crowded in here we can just bring the party outside.”

“I’m mostly worried for Baekhyun’s roommate, Jongin. He’s never partied before, and when I talked to him he seemed nervous.”

“You’ve never partied before either, though,” Sehun pointed out. He mouthed the word _properly_ to Chanyeol, who rolled his eyes.

“I’ve been out with you guys before, so I know what the general idea is.” He opened his mouth to say more, but paused when he heard a knock on the door. “Well, Tao’s back with Yixing, so let’s drop this and focus on having fun.”

When Chanyeol opened the door, he was surprised to see Jongin, but even more taken aback at the lack of Baekhyun next to him. He quickly wiped the shock off his face, not wanting to scare off Jongin.

“Hey, you made it!” He smiled, choosing not to mention Baekhyun. He wanted Jongin to feel he was just as welcome, with or without the man who has been messing with Chanyeol’s sanity for the past week.

Jongin poked his head into the room, but didn’t step in. Chanyeol watched as he toyed with the hem of his shirt, and he felt his heart swell with understanding.

“Sorry, Baekhyun isn’t here right now,” he said quietly. “I told him to start getting ready over an hour ago, but he didn’t begin to put on his makeup until I was already done getting dressed.” He let out a nervous laugh. “He’ll be coming later though, but I really am sorry it’s just me right now.”

“Who’s this?” Sehun peered over Chanyeol’s shoulder. He eyed Jongin up and down, causing the freshman’s cheeks to turn a dusty shade of pink. “You’re pretty cute.”

Minseok snorted. “Tao wouldn’t be happy if he heard you say that.”

“What?” Sehun turned to Minseok. “Oh no, he only gets fake mad about those kinds of things. We’re not dating, and even if Tao _somehow_ wanted to, I could still get away with this stuff.” He shifted his attention back to Jongin. “We have a few more people we’re waiting on, but this’ll be pretty low-key, don’t worry. Come on.” He grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and walked aside, pushing him in the process to make room for Jongin. Sometimes Chanyeol forgot how considerate Sehun could be.

Thankfully, Sehun introduced Jongin to everyone in the room, helping him feel more at ease. When Tao and Yixing returned, it was apparent that Jongin was already significantly more comfortable than he was five minutes ago.

“Well, now that everyone’s here,” Minseok started, continuing the pattern of Jongin-inclusion, “shall we have a pre-pre-game toast?” He gestured to Tao to hand him some solo cups, and began to pour the mixed drink he made yesterday.

“I have gin and tonic,” Chanyeol blurted, glancing at Yixing nervously. Yixing nodded in approval, understanding Chanyeol’s needs. “I think I just want that for now.”

“What’s in the red drink?” Jongin turned to Chanyeol, just as worried.

“A hangover recipe for people like us,” Chanyeol explained. “Do you wanna just have this with me?” He reached into his bag to pull out his own little alcohol stash.

Jongin broke out in a smile of relief. “Yeah, thanks.”

Minseok handed everyone in the room a solo cup filled to the second line, while Yixing poured Jongin and Chanyeol their own drinks.

“So,” Tao started, “what do we want to toast to?”

“To friendship?” Yixing suggested.

“Lame,” Jongdae shot him down. “To not getting alcohol poisoning?”

“Too direct,” Sehun shook his head. “To striking it rich?”

“I don’t really care about being wealthy,” Jongin spoke up. “Why don’t we just toast to kicking this year’s ass, or something else along those lines?”

“What’s your family name?” Minseok asked.

“Kim, why?”

“Oh, me too.” Minseok lifted up his cup. “Well, Kim Jongin, that was officially the best toast idea we have ever had. Let’s do it!”

All seven of them lifted their glasses up, and downed their drinks together. The youngest two in the room instantly started coughing once they were done drinking, along with Chanyeol.

“It’s just soda with alcohol,” Jongdae teased, nudging Chanyeol. “You’re a big baby.”

“Wouldn’t Sehun be the real baby here, since he has drunk before?” Chanyeol pouted.

“I just drank cough syrup, I get a free pass,” Sehun stuck his tongue out at Chanyeol, then focused on Jongin. “How was it?”

“It’s not so bad,” Jongin said slowly, “I think I’m okay with more now.”

Sehun whistled. “We should exchange numbers after this.”

Jongin’s face flushed red, and not from the alcohol.

“Round two!” Jongdae shouted, turning everyone’s attention back to the alcohol. Chanyeol looked down at his empty cup, and gripped it tightly.

“Can I try the mixed drink?” Chanyeol asked, walking over to stare at the mixture.

Minseok and Yixing exchanged glances.

“Well sure,” Jongdae replied, “but if you get sick I’m going to make you sleep in the common room.”

“Got it,” Chanyeol huffed as he watched Minseok hand him a drink. When he passed everyone else another drink, and Yixing finished pouring Jongin his gin and tonic, they made a second toast. Chanyeol chugged the alcohol, forcing himself to imagine he was drinking cold water after going on a run.

The first thing that hit him was the burning sensation. Chanyeol felt his entire chest grow warm, and he was tied between giggling at the sensation or sweating in a panic. Once he became used to the burn, he registered the taste. A bitter, almost acidic taste laid on his tongue, and he looked around for anything to wash the feeling out. Yixing seemed to notice, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“If you drink anything else, you’re just going to need more alcohol to compensate,” Yixing warned him.

“Makes sense,” Chanyeol murmured, crossing his arms. “Yixing, you’re so smart.”

Yixing chuckled, and took his hand off Chanyeol. “Looks like someone is already buzzed.”

Chanyeol furrowed his brows. “You don’t mean me, do you?”

Sehun snorted. “Oh man, this is great.”

“Leave him alone,” Yixing shooed everyone away from Chanyeol. “I can understand how he feels.”

“Yixing is such a lightweight,” Sehun told Jongin, who only giggled. “It’s funny because he’s an upperclassman.”

“Why don’t you call him hyung then?” Jongin asked, confused.

“He doesn’t want us to, especially considering we’re just speaking English. I’m not complaining, though,” Sehun snorted into his drink. “Need more alcohol.”

The rest of the room seemed to hear Sehun’s request for drinks, and collectively scurried over to Minseok for more. Minseok’s alcohol tolerance was unmatched, and therefore always seemed collected during their parties. He glanced at Chanyeol when he held out his drink asking for more.

“You want more of the mixed drink?” He asked, slightly taken aback.

“I hate the taste,” Chanyeol admitted, “but the rest of it is pretty great.” He glanced around the room, and leaned into Minseok’s ear. “Plus, every time I think about Baekhyun showing up soon I feel sick.”

Minseok patted him on the back, and poured him a drink, but only up to the first line on the solo cup. He silently prayed Chanyeol wouldn’t notice he cheated him. Minseok considered his trick a success when Chanyeol quickly downed the drink and gave him a wobbly thumbs up.

When the two girls Jongdae invited arrived, Chanyeol found himself feeling a little claustrophobic and went to sit on the bed. He looked up at the one girl Jongdae especially had taken a liking to, Wendy, and then his attention shifted to her roommate, who smiled and waved at Chanyeol.

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol whispered to Jongin, who ended up leaning against his shoulder and giggling about snakes under his breath.

“I know, it _is_ pretty messed up that snakes don’t have arms and legs,” he snorted.

“No no,” Chanyeol dismissed him, and poked his cheek. “I know that girl, Seulgi. She was in my orientation group. I’m gonna have my reputation ruined with my freshman if she thinks I’m just a stupid drunk.”

“Hyung,” Jongin whined, pushing his nose into Chanyeol’s neck. “Seulgi is a good person. She’s not going to judge you. Also, If you’re worried about her not liking you, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t anyway.” He paused to hiccup, and bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing again. “I’m 90% sure I heard she has her eye on some senior girl.”

“Really?” Chanyeol asked, feeling relieved. “I kind of feel more comfortable around people who aren’t straight, actually.”

“Gay solidarity!” Jongin raised his fist into the air and shouted, far louder than Chanyeol would’ve liked.

“Are you…” Chanyeol asked, hoping Jongin would finish his thoughts for him.

“Gay?” Jongin bit his lip and hummed, like he was deep in thought. “I kind of feel like I’m everything and nothing at the same time.” He shrugged. “Everyone is just so cute, I don’t know what to do! So I just… don’t do anything. And it works for me!” He broke out into a fit of laughs again, as if the thought of being sexually confused was the funniest concept to him. “Sehun’s nice.”

This time, it was Chanyeol’s turn to laugh. He reached over Jongin’s shoulder to grab the gin and tonic, and poured himself his own drink. He hoped intensely watching Yixing’s handiwork would pay off as he mixed the alcohol and soda together. “Sehun’s an interesting guy,” he told Jongin. “If you like him, just be sure to include Tao. They’re like peanut butter and jelly… no, that doesn’t feel right. They’re like coffee, but Tao is the espresso and Sehun is the milk. You can’t really separate them. You could be the ice, though, and then create a whole new kind of coffee together.” He finished his rant with a swig of the alcohol.

Jongin stared at him with wide eyes. “You’re truly an artist, hyung! I might cry, honestly. I feel so inspired that I’m gonna go talk to Tao right now! Can you believe it?” He stood up and started dancing in place. “I don’t even feel shy right now! I’ll be back!”

Chanyeol stayed on the bed, a lack of distraction leaving him focused on the world spinning around him. He glanced around the room to get a sense of what everyone else was doing. Seulgi, Minseok and Yixing were in the corner, talking about dance, though Yixing was slurring his words and leaning on Minseok. Jongdae and Wendy were talking about what they looked for in other people, and Jongin, true to his word, was enthusiastically speaking to Tao and Sehun. Jongin turned out to be a lot more affectionate than Chanyeol originally imagined, and watched as he leaned into Tao’s arms while holding Sehun’s hand.

Chanyeol felt himself beginning to drift off, until he heard the door open once more.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol heard Jongin yell from somewhere in the room. Chanyeol looked around to find Baekhyun staring directly at him, wearing a crop-top and a black fishnet jumpsuit. He tilted his head when Chanyeol stared back, his body shimmering with glitter and the studded choker around his neck reflecting the colors from the gel sheets Jongdae hung up earlier..

“Let’s all go outside and party!” Jongdae shouted again, and the room began to empty. Baekhyun stayed behind, sizing Chanyeol up and down.

“You look fuckin’ bombed,” he observed.

“I’m not even that wasted,” Chanyeol argued. “I’m just sleepy.”

Baekhyun walked over to the alcohol on the table, and sniffed the near empty pitcher. “The hell is in this thing? It smells like cough syrup.”

“Yeah, well, you’re partially right.”

“Holy fuck.” Baekhyun picked up the pitcher and shook it slightly, causing the remaining liquid to jostle. “Can I…”

“Just finish the whole thing off,” Chanyeol shrugged. He watched as Baekhyun leaned back and chugged the alcohol, red lines dripping down his neck. Chanyeol gulped.

“What? Like what you see?” Baekhyun teased, sticking his tongue out at Chanyeol, the cough syrup turning it a shade of red.

“It’s just,” Chanyeol stammered, feeling cornered, “you didn’t even flinch.”

“I’m already kind of tipsy,” Baekhyun admitted, going to sit down next to Chanyeol. He stopped in place when he noticed the musician shrinking into the bed.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked, the teasing from his voice gone.

“I want to go outside,” Chanyeol blurted. “To dance. Do you wanna dance with me?”

Baekhyun’s face broke out into a smile again. “God, I’d love to. Do you have any other alcohol?”

“I have Bacardi, if that works for you.”

“Fuck yes. Wanna do a love shot?” Chanyeol widened his eyes at the statement, causing Baekhyun to laugh. “We link arms and drink together, that’s it. It’s not like shotgunning.”

Chanyeol giggled, relaxing again. “Sure.” He reached into his bag and handed Baekhyun the Bacardi, and picked up two empty cups.

“I’m only giving you a little,” Baekhyun warned. Chanyeol groaned and buried his face in Baekhyun’s hair. “You’re obviously drunk, and I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Unfair.”

“Hey, all I had was hard lemonade and a sip of someone’s vodka, okay? This is equal.”

Baekhyun pulled back to hand Chanyeol his drink, and then motioned for him to stick his arm out. He chuckled when Chanyeol put his palm on Baekhyun’s chest.

“We link arms, silly,” he playfully scolded Chanyeol.

Chanyeol leaned down so Baekhyun could have access to his arm more easily. Baekhyun counted down, and then they drank together. Chanyeol shivered from the taste, and Baekhyun laughed.

“Your choker is so pretty,” Chanyeol pointed out when they pulled away, unable to tear his eyes away from the studs. “Where did you get it?”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. “Why, do you want one?”

Chanyeol nodded eagerly, going to touch his own neck. “Yeah, I do.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment, but they continued to stare at each other. After a beat of silence, Baekhyun cleared his throat.

“Let’s dance.”

 

The hallway reeked of alcohol, sweat, and Axe Body Spray.

Chanyeol led Baekhyun down the hall and into the largest common room on the floor, searching for his friends. He grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and dove into the crowd when he spotted teal hair, an indicator of Tao.

“Huang Zitao,” he slurred, and shoved Baekhyun in his face. “I believe you two know each other.”

Tao, who was completely off his rocker, turned to Baekhyun and gasped loudly. “I thought I saw a ghost when you came into the room at first!” He grabbed Baekhyun by the shoulders and nuzzled into him. “I love you!” He then pulled back and began to shower Baekhyun in kisses like it was completely normal. Chanyeol couldn’t tell if that was because they were both drunk, or if Tao was just this naturally affectionate with Baekhyun.

“Dance with us!” Tao told the both of them, and brought them deeper onto the dance floor. Chanyeol nearly passed out at the sight of Jongin grinding against his best friend, but Tao seemed to not mind at all. In fact, he appeared to be completely overjoyed.

“Jongin is so nice!” Tao shouted over the loud music, going to tap him on the shoulder. Jongin turned around and gave Tao a strong hug, while Sehun just laughed and stumbled around behind the two.

“Congrats on the marriage,” Baekhyun joked as Chanyeol dragged him away. He bumped into Minseok, who was talking to Wendy.

“Where’s Yixing and Jongdae?” Chanyeol asked loudly, too drunk to realize he was interrupting a conversation.

“I dragged Yixing to his room a fifteen minutes ago,” Minseok replied, seemingly sober. “Jongdae is, uh, over there.” He pointed in the direction of a couch that had two people straddling each other on it.

“Ugh, this shit again,” Chanyeol groaned, and walked over to pry whatever girl Jongdae was sucking the soul out of off of him. He paused when he noticed something different than usual, then turned and ran in the opposite direction.

“Minseok, would you happen to have the answer as to why my extremely heterosexual roommate is making out with another man?”

Minseok rubbed his temples, and sighed. “He had two Ko Ko Bop tablets instead of just one. Every experience he’s had with drugs always seem to make him ‘change his sexuality,’ or whatever else he tells himself so he can sleep at night.”

“Ko Ko Bop?” Baekhyun asked, interested. “Do you… do you like, have any you’re willing to share?”

Minseok apologized to Wendy for having to leave, then motioned for the two of them to follow him back into Chanyeol’s room. Minseok opened Jongdae’s desk drawer and took out the colored box and gave it a shake.

“They’re hallucinogens,” Minseok explained as he took two out of the container. “To put it in perspective, they don’t hit as fast as smoking, but they’re a hell of a lot faster than edibles. I normally wouldn’t give these out, but it’s a special occasion, so…” He handed them both a tablet.

“Are there any side effects?” Chanyeol asked cautiously, sobering up. “Should I drink a lot before I take this, or maybe eat?”

“If you’re feeling slightly hungry, it wouldn’t hurt. Your heart rate might be faster than normal and you’re probably going to lose proper perception of time, but that’s okay. If you feel sick, just wait it out.”

“Are you on it right now?”

Minseok grinned, and put the box away. “Stay safe, and if anything happens, come to me before _anything else_. Come back on the dance floor when you guys are ready!”

The moment Minseok was out the door, Baekhyun put the tablet in his mouth and washed it down with the water bottle Jongin left in the room.

“Do you feel any different?” Chanyeol asked tentatively.

Baekhyun snorted. “No, you nerd. I’m still drunk off my ass if that’s what you’re asking.”

Chanyeol invited Baekhyun to lay down on his bed while he reached into one of his drawers to pull out pretzels to snack on. He wanted his stomach to be at least slightly full before taking drugs.

He ate in silence, still feeling the heavy effects of alcohol in him, and tuned into the sounds of the music from outside and Baekhyun’s mumbling next to him.

“Are you good?” Chanyeol questioned him as he watched Baekhyun squirming around on his bed. Without warning, Baekhyun sat up and leaned on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“I’m _great_ , honestly,” he sighed dreamily. “It all just hit me now.”

“So it’s good?” Chanyeol asked quietly, putting the pretzel consumption on hold.

“It’s amazing. I feel like a firework.”

Chanyeol picked up his own tablet and stared at it before grabbing Jongin’s water bottle and flushing it down his system. “Well,” he started, “I guess we’ll see what happens.”

“I’m so happy you invited me,” Baekhyun leaned into Chanyeol further, his lips brushing against his neck. Chanyeol shuddered at the sensation. “You’re totally my type.” Baekhyun sat up slightly further so that Chanyeol could feel his breath against his ear.

“I--” Chanyeol started to speak up, but Baekhyun planted a kiss on his jawline that made him forget how to use his words.

“Tall and broad, masculine, could probably pin me down easily,” Baekhyun began to list off traits that he apparently associated with Chanyeol, but the terms weren’t registering with him. “It’s hard to come by people like that, and not just because I’ve done martial arts. It’s hard to come by people who want to hook up with me, period, because they think I’m going to abandon them for someone else just because I’m bisexual. You’re not like that, though, right?” When Baekhyun’s fingers started trailing down Chanyeol’s chest, he panicked pushed Baekhyun off of him.

“That’s not me,” Chanyeol murmured, feeling sick to his stomach. “I’m tall, but I’m weak in strength and relatively submissive, and,” he took a deep breath, “I’m not masculine. I’m not comfortable with being called those things, either.” He glanced at Baekhyun, his expression unreadable and dazed. Of course. The drugs hit him hard and fast, whereas Chanyeol took them later and was much larger in size. “I like you, Baekhyun, but you obviously don’t like me back. I’m not rejecting you because you’re bisexual, I’m rejecting you because you think I have the ability to treat you roughly and be manly when that’s the opposite of what I want to be.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun breathed out, going to put his hand on Chanyeol’s face. “You’re a soft boy, and I didn’t even realize.”

Chanyeol shifted, unsure of what to do. “Just… soft.”

Baekhyun, regardless of his state of mind, seemed to get the memo. “Okay. Soft. Soft and sweet.” Chanyeol felt his eyes water. “Oh no, no don’t cry softie, soft sweetie, don’t.” Baekhyun crawled on top of Chanyeol and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall. “I’m sorry I misjudged you. I do like you, though, that hasn’t changed.” He leaned back slowly, waiting for Chanyeol’s answer.

“I’m…” Chanyeol tried to think, but he felt the effects of the drug begin to hit. Suddenly, he felt as if the world around him was slowing down and spinning. “I. Woah.” He reached up to card his hands through Baekhyun’s hair, feeling the texture of it. “I just,” he pulled tightly on Baekhyun’s hair without thinking, “I think I was born today.”

Baekhyun started laughing hysterically into Chanyeol’s neck. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“The old Chanyeol? He just left us, but it’s okay. New Chanyeol saved the day.”

Baekhyun continued to giggle. “What’s new Chanyeol like?”

Chanyeol tilted his head up to think. “Tall and soft,” he started, laughing along with Baekhyun for a second. “New Chanyeol likes to feel pretty.”

“Does new Chanyeol feel girly?” Baekhyun asked, testing the waters as well as any cross-faded man could. Chanyeol wrinkled his nose.

“New Chanyeol just is. But new Chanyeol still likes Baekhyun a lot.”

“Would new Chanyeol be okay if Baekhyun,” he licked his lips, choosing his words carefully, “if Baekhyun kissed them?”

Chanyeol sighed, pushing Baekhyun closer to him. “They-- I’d like it a lot. Please.”

Baekhyun brushed Chanyeol’s long hair out of the way, and leaned in to kiss him. He started slowly at first, partially because the drugs were affecting his speed, but mostly as a way to calm Chanyeol’s nerves down and to make him feel safe. When Chanyeol tensed up at the feeling of Baekhyun’s lips against his, he backed off.

“I’ve never... kissed a boy before,” Chanyeol whispered, his word slightly slurring. “I know... it doesn’t matter, but… yeah. I feel giddy.”

“How far do you want to go?”

“Mm… slow, please.”

“Okay, you softie,” Baekhyun leaned in to kiss him again, but paused when he noticed Chanyeol’s brows furrowed. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“I want to be your sweetie,” he mumbled, almost in a whining tone.

“You are,” Baekhyun reassured him, going to kiss his cheeks, his nose, his lips, “my wonderful sweetie. My pretty sweetie.” He gently gripped Chanyeol’s jaw and moved it slightly, exposing his neck more. Baekhyun planted kisses along his neckline and began to gently suck at the skin, hoping to form hickeys. Chanyeol groaned at the sensation, his hand going to grip Baekhyun’s hair as a way to ground himself. Baekhyun never dipped below Chanyeol’s collarbones, nor did Chanyeol ever ask him to do more.

“I’m so fucking out of it,” Chanyeol whispered as he began to rub Baekhyun’s back.

“Tell me about it,” Baekhyun leaned down to rest his head on Chanyeol’s chest. “You’re the most comfy piece of furniture on Earth.”

“I’m not furniture, you loooooser,” Chanyeol slurred, cackling at his own comment. “But if I was, I’d be a sofa, because we’re big and _totally chill._ ”

“You are _not_ totally chill, mister,” Baekhyun dismissed him. He looked up to find Chanyeol clenching his jaw. “Ah, sorry. You’re just a… big egg. Yeah. That’s what you are.”

Chanyeol wheezed. “I’m _your_ egg.”

“How poetic.”

“I’m a fuckin’... music major,” Chanyeol said, exaggerating every spoken syllable, “I gotta be.” He snorted, and Baekhyun felt his chest rumble.

“We’re gonna have to talk when we’re sober, aren’t we?” Baekhyun murmured into Chanyeol’s chest.

“Mm. Can we just kiss and hold hands for now?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun whispered. “I’d like that a lot.”

They laced hands once more as Baekhyun propped himself up to kiss Chanyeol again. Chanyeol closed his eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of Baekhyun’s plush lips on him. There was a sense of desperation between the two of them, as if it was the last time they would be able to touch each other. Despite the energy, neither of them pressed on to intensify the experience.

Chanyeol let out a sigh as he felt Baekhyun’s fingers squeeze his own. He squeezed back, smiling against Baekhyun’s lips. After all the stress he dealt with in the past week, Chanyeol silently thanked himself for finally being able to let go. Finding out his crush would accept him for who he is was only the icing on the cake.

Their peaceful makeout session was interrupted far too soon when Minseok opened the door and pushed Jongdae into the room. Instinctively, Chanyeol pushed Baekhyun off him and Baekhyun wiped his lipstick off.

“Take care of his stupid ass. I’m going to crash in Yixing’s room, so try not to be too loud,” Minseok remarked as he closed the door, not noticing what Chanyeol and Baekhyun were just doing.

“The hell is going on…” Jongdae mumbled, staring at Chanyeol and Baekhyun with heavy eyes. “You know what, don’t tell me. I can already tell I’m going to be so _fucking_ hungover tomorrow. Move over, Baekhyun, you’re in my spot.”

“I can just go,” Baekhyun went to get up, but stumbled and fell on Chanyeol’s legs. Chanyeol hissed at the sudden impact, but wrapped his arms around Baekhyun a beat later.

“You can’t,” He told Baekhyun. “You’re too messed up to get home, and if campus safety finds you then you’re finished.” Chanyeol gripped the heater behind him, and used it as a balance to help him and Baekhyun up. “You can borrow my clothes.”

He ended up giving Baekhyun his favorite t-shirt from earlier. Even though it was was slightly dirty, Baekhyun hugged the material and ensured Chanyeol he loved it just as much as the other. Chanyeol took off Baekhyun’s choker slowly, feeling the leather material in his hands before gingerly placing it down on his desk. The two of them crawled into bed next to Jongdae, who was already knocked out thanks to the help of the drugs, alcohol, and the fatigue from dancing. Baekhyun crawled on top of Chanyeol and nuzzled into his neck.

“Goodnight,” Chanyeol whispered.

“Sweet dreams, sweetie,” Baekhyun replied.

 

For the first time in a while, Chanyeol slept without dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this fic, chanyeol is somewhere on the non-binary spectrum, and will be viewed in that matter from now on. his designated pronouns are not going to change (at least for the rest of this fic), but that doesnt mean he is to be viewed 100% as a male.  
> gender is complicated, guys :(；ﾞﾟ'ωﾟ'): ;;


	7. Beauty Tip #7: Discuss Trends With Your Friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (warning: this chapter is filled with gender identity/sexuality talk)

The first thing Chanyeol registered when he woke up was how heavy his body felt. He blinked slowly, the sun peeking through his blinds hurting his eyes, and forced himself to sit up in bed.

The second thing he noticed was that Baekhyun was not in bed with him and Jongdae.

Chanyeol felt himself panic for a brief moment, and almost considered waking up Jongdae, but opted to look at his text messages instead, in case Baekhyun texted him.

 

_[10:31 AM PST]_

RECENT MESSAGES

 

[2:47 AM PST] **minne** : hey ,sorry i dropped jongdae off in your room?

[2:48 AM PST] **minne** : i’m relaly crossfaded and i don’t wanna deal with him

[2:48 AM PST] **minne** : i’ll explian more later i;m going to sleep  now

 

[3:50 AM PST] **oohun** : imlsofuckin  durnk

[3:50 AM PST] **oohun** : ndimlin lov with jongijn

[3:51 AM PST] **oohun** : me and taooaoooooo are hooomeeee

[3:51 AM PST] **oohun** :we got a CAB,!!!!!!// andhe.s with us

[3:52 AM PST] **oohun** : were ognna get MARRIEe

[3:53 AM PST] **oohun** : gota., go MAKEO UT wit mfyn newhusband bey !!1

 

[8:07 AM PST] **xing** : hi chanyeol! i hope you’re doing okay. I’m sorry if i left without saying goodbye last night, i was just really drunk so minseok put me to bed early^^;; i hope you had a fun time partying with us for the first time! :D

 

[10:18 AM PST] **baekhyunee** : mornin!! If u wake up and i’m not in the room it’s because i’m showering!!!! i didn’t wanna wake u up hehe

[10:19 AM PST] **baekhyunee** : i’ll come back i swear (unless u don’t want me to!!!!!)

 

Chanyeol let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding when he read Baekhyun’s text, but mentally groaned at the other messages he received. It seemed he wasn’t the only one who received more than he asked for last night. To occupy himself, Chanyeol focused on replying to the other messages; he asked Minseok for more details on Jongdae, questioned Sehun about his feelings for Jongin, and confirmed with Yixing that _yes, he did have a fun time_. When he was caught up with his texts, he shifted his attention to Jongdae, who was drooling all over himself.

“Wake up,” Chanyeol whined as he kicked Jongdae’s ass, causing him to groan into his pillow.

“Ow, ow, ow, _fuck_ ,” Jongdae hissed. “What do you want?”

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol leaned down to look at Jongdae’s pained expression, “are you okay?”

“No,” Jongdae rolled away from Chanyeol. “Everything hurts and I’m hungover as fuck.”

“Jongdae,” Chanyeol lowered his voice, “did you have sex last night?”

Jongdae cried out in exaggerated anguish.

“Did you…” Chanyeol continued, trying to get Jongdae to turn around and look at him, “...did you bottom?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Jongdae wailed.

“Um, I have an idea.”

This time, Jongdae turned around to stare at Chanyeol. He raised his eyebrows as a sign of both confusion and an invite for Chanyeol to continue.

“We can both reveal our secrets from last night,” Chanyeol licked his lips, “that way we’re not just blindly exposing ourselves. Sound okay?”

Jongdae was silent for a moment. Chanyeol almost spoke up again, but Jongdae sighed and rubbed the nape of his neck.

“His name was Junmyeon.”

Chanyeol blinked, taken aback that Jongdae spoke first. He nodded to show Jongdae that he was listening, and that he could continue.

“When I’m on drugs,” Jongdae paused to chuckle under his breath, “I guess I become bi-curious. I just don’t really know many, um, not… straight people.” He glanced up at Chanyeol to see if he was being offensive in any way before continuing. “You know how my name in your phone is Chennie? It’s kind of like an inside joke, but a bit more than that. You wouldn’t know about this, since you haven’t partied with our group until last night, but it’s what I always refer to myself when I’m really fucked up. When I started announcing that I was Chen, Minseok got fed up and threw me back in our room for the night. I know this is kind of unrelated to the real story, but I just wanted you to know.” He rolled his eyes and laughed at his own commentary.

“So you’ve kissed other men before?” Chanyeol questioned.

Jongdae took a deep breath and sighed. “I… yeah, I have.”

“Why did you never tell me?”

“Because it was always Chen who was kissing them.”

Chanyeol licked his lips, feeling his heart swell as he listened to his roommate expose his repressed feelings. “Did _Jongdae_ kiss that one guy from last night, then?” Chanyeol asked, recalling the way Baekhyun spoke to him last night when he found out about his own suppressive state of mind.

“Ugh, _fuck_ Chanyeol,” Jongdae growled, “I don’t need you to tip-toe around this subject, okay?” He paused when he noticed Chanyeol’s slightly hurt expression. “I just don’t think I like this side of me.”

“What do you mean?”

Jongdae scoffed. “I’m a heterosexual man, dude.”

“Uh-”

“Just hear me out, alright? I’m straight, but sometimes I just feel like it would be easier to hook up with guys and whatnot. That makes me feel like, I dunno, I’m fetishizing gay people or some shit, or that maybe I’m just really horny and will fuck anything with a hole.”

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows. “You bottomed though, didn’t you?”

Jongdae groaned again. “That’s the thing, that’s why I said I really felt my hook-up from last night. That guy--” He paused to rub the bridge of his nose, “--look, something about him just had me in a trance. I wanted him to… take care of me? And not just because I was cross-faded beyond belief.”

“Do you still feel that way now?”

“Considering the fact that I dreamt about him and I desperately want his number, yeah.”

Pause.

“Now, what about you?” Jongdae turned to Chanyeol, tired of all the attention on himself. “Are you and Baekhyun finally like fuck buddies or something?”

Chanyeol flushed. “No, but we did kiss.”

“I _know_ that. You do realize I walked in on you guys passionately making out, right? Did he suck you off or something? Sehun told me he’s amazing at blowjobs.”

“Jongdae!” Chanyeol cried, feeling the tips of his ears burn. “It’s not like that. I just wanted to hold him close… and other stuff like that. God, I’m so gay.”

“I thought you weren’t fully gay,” Jongdae tilted his head.

Chanyeol resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I can still say that, Jongdae.”

Jongdae shook his head, smiling slightly. “You are one whipped man, Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol imagined a red flag popping up in his head at the words, and sighed, knowing he had to tell Jongdae about his realization from last night.

“Jongdae,” Chanyeol started, his voice dangerously low, “I don’t… I don’t think I’m a guy.”

Jongdae’s jaw dropped. “I’m sorry?”

“I mean,” Chanyeol hurried to cover himself up, suddenly shy and ashamed, “I technically am, but like, I’m also… not?”

“Are you making fun of me? For mentioning my experience with men?”

“No!” Chanyeol cried, going to sit up and cross his legs. “I had a realization yesterday, I guess. Baekhyun called me a boy and it sounded weird and I felt alienated, and with the help of all the drugs and alcohol in my system I realized why, more or less.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to continue, but stopped when he heard someone knock on their door. “I’ll explain later, okay? Just please believe me when I say I’m not kidding.” He got up to look through their peephole, then opened the door.

“Hi,” Baekhyun greeted cheerfully, oblivious to the tension in the room. He shook his head slightly, drips of water still falling from his hair.  “I hope you guys slept well last night. Sorry I crashed here, I was just _really_ intoxicated.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jongdae shrugged. “I’ve been wanting to get closer to you anyway, I just didn’t imagine it would be so literal. You toss and turn a lot in your sleep.”

Baekhyun laughed. “I’m a pretty restless guy, even when I’m knocked out.” He turned his attention to Chanyeol. “By the way, do you think we could… you know,” he gestured towards the outside, implying the two still needed to have their little talk.

“If you guys need to discuss stuff, I can go,” Jongdae said, picking up on their body language. Before either of them could protest, he got up and headed towards the door. “I need to see if Minseok-hyung is still with Yixing, anyway.”

“Oh, okay. See you later!” Baekhyun waved to him as he headed out. “Thanks again!” When the door shut, Baekhyun turned his attention back to Chanyeol.

“Hi,” Chanyeol spoke up, going to sit back on the bed. He patted on the spot where Jongdae just was, and Baekhyun made his way over. They maintained a small distance in personal space, but Chanyeol already felt himself beginning to fidget at the sight of Baekhyun being so close to him once more.

“About last night…” Baekhyun begin.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol blurted before Baekhyun could properly speak.

“What? Why?”

“For forcing you to stop calling me a guy.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun turned to him, his expression pained. “Chanyeol, look at me. You didn’t force me to do anything, okay? All you did was let me know how you feel, and I respected it. You shouldn’t hang out with people who don’t respect your identity.”

“I’m just confused,” Chanyeol lowered his head, feeling his cheeks burn. “I was just telling Jongdae vaguely about how I feel, and the first thing he thought was that I was messing with him.”

“Yeah, but like, isn’t he straight?”

“Ah,” Chanyeol pursed his lips, “I don’t think it’s my place to say.”

They were silent for a moment, before Baekhyun spoke up once more.

“Do you want me to call you something else from the point on?”

Chanyeol violently shook his head. “No, no, please don’t. I’m fine with everything being the same, just... yeah. I don’t want you to think of me as some kind of masculine guy, or just a man in general. I’m just me.”

“Do you mind if I ask what brought this on? I mean, besides the part where I mistook you for a manly dom for _some reason_.” Baekhyun clicked his tongue. “I’m still super sorry about that, by the way.”

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol assured him, feeling his chest bubble with anxiety. If Baekhyun truly believed people should always respect his identity, then he had nothing to lose anymore. “I, uh, I sort of… watch your videos?”

Baekhyun’s cheerful expression dropped. “Like, my YouTube ones?”

Chanyeol felt his heartbeat speed up. “Y-yeah.”

“Oh my God,” Baekhyun mouthed, deep in thought. “For how long?”

“It’s been almost two years.”

When Baekhyun didn’t answer, Chanyeol began to panic.

“I’m--” he went on, his voice cracking, “--I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to, but you made me realize a lot of things about myself. I know you wanted to keep your YouTube and college life separate, so I wasn’t planning on telling you, but it didn’t feel right after last night. If you don’t wanna associate yourself with me after this, I understand. I won’t be mad.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said his name in a tone that grounded Chanyeol, “Come here.” He held his arms out, an invitation for Chanyeol to hug him. He cautiously leaned into the touch, feeling Baekhyun embrace him warmly. Baekhyun wrapped one arm around his back and began to rock him back and forth gently, while his other arm carded through his hair and lightly scratched Chanyeol’s scalp.

“I’m not mad at all,” Baekhyun continued. “I’m glad you felt confident enough to tell me this, since it’s obvious you’re feeling really nervous about it. Honestly, this explains a lot about your behavior around me. At first I just thought you were weirded out because I wore so much makeup.”

“Mm,” Chanyeol hummed, tuning in to the thumping of Baekhyun’s heart. “I was worried you would think I was stalking you or something.”

“Oh, God no,” Baekhyun paused to laugh. “I’ve had actual stalkers before, and trust me, you are nothing like them.”

“ _Still_.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun removed the hand that was intertwined with his hair and placed it on his face, “I’m happy you can be honest with me. That’s why I like you.”

“Hey,” Chanyeol started, slightly changing the subject, “would you be interested in going on a date?”

“Why not just date in general?” Baekhyun suggested. Chanyeol shook his head.

“We haven’t known each other for that long,” Chanyeol reminded him. Not that it mattered to anyone but himself. “I don’t think I’d be okay with it just yet. I’m not rejecting you exactly, I just… I just want to take whatever we have slowly. Plus, I know far more about you than you do about me, and I don’t really think that’s fair.”

“Of course,” Baekhyun reassured him. “Anything for my little sweetie.” He ruffled Chanyeol’s hair, but noticed the way his body tensed up at the mention of the pet name. “Should I not call you that after all?”

Chanyeol flushed, and closed his eyes. “No, I mean, I really, really like that name. Like, a lot. I feel like putty when I hear it,” he admitted shyly. “I’m just a little embarrassed.”

“Well _I_ love calling you it, incase you needed to hear that,” Baekhyun replied, going to boop Chanyeol’s nose. He smiled warmly when Chanyeol giggled at the touch.

“You’re cute.”

“You’re cuter.”

“Wow, I really am super gay,” Chanyeol thought aloud. Baekhyun burst out laughing, squeezing Chanyeol’s sides affectionately.

“We can be gay together,” he suggested. “Do you wanna kiss again sometime?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol nodded eagerly. “We can right now, if that’s okay.”

“You smell awful,” Baekhyun whined, but leaned in anyway. “You’re lucky you’re adorable.”

“I know,” Chanyeol smiled as he felt Baekhyun’s lips brush against his.

 

* * *

 

“I want to go shopping,” Chanyeol told Sehun while they were FaceTiming later that day. Baekhyun had to leave after a short makeout session to finish up some homework, leaving Chanyeol bored and with no one to hang out with. Chanyeol was slightly concerned that Jongdae never came back home, but a text from Yixing indicated that he was in the mood to be left alone.

“Like… now?” Sehun asked him while picking his nose with his pinky finger. Classy best friends.

Chanyeol shrugged. “Do you have anything else better to do?”

“Give me a second to find out,” Sehun turned his attention to something Chanyeol couldn’t see. “Tao, do I have anything better to do right now?”

“Hun, you never have anything better to do ever, regardless of the context,” Chanyeol heard Tao call out from another room.

“Great,” Chanyeol laughed. “Do you wanna go shopping with us, Tao?”

The sound of Tao running into the room and jumping Sehun confirmed that Tao was completely on board with a shopping trip.

“If you guys are going, why not invite Jongin?” Chanyeol suggested, now staring at the both of them. The two of them exchanged looks. “Or... did something happen?”

“Oh, something happened alright,” Tao snorted, smiling while rolling his eyes.

Though their video quality wasn’t the greatest, Sehun’s face visually flushed at the comment. “Tao, shut up,” he whined, burying his face in Tao’s neck. “I was gonna bring it up on my own.”

“So…” Chanyeol motioned with his hand for one of them to continue.

Sehun swallowed. “Well, Jongin is a dance major. You know how it goes.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yeah.”

“All my friends are getting laid!” Chanyeol exclaimed.

“It was more like third base with unexpected feelings,” Tao butted in. “Oh Sehun’s part, that is. I like Jongin too, just not _that_ way. I’m still sticking along for the ride, though.”

Chanyeol nodded in understanding. He was used to Tao’s rants against romantic relationships by now, and figured as much.

“Well, have you guys talked to him since then?”

“Yeah, actually,” Sehun replied. “I was honestly expecting it to be an awkward disaster once everything ended and we woke up with pounding headaches, but Jongin woke us up to apologize the day after. He was so flustered, it was unusual for me to see someone who can get as anxious as I do talk about a situation. I didn’t pity him or anything, but, I dunno… watching him practically bring himself to tears because he was worried I wouldn’t like him anymore really got to me.”

“And me,” Tao stage-whispered.

“So if all three of you are on good terms, why not invite him?” Chanyeol asked, confused.

“Oh no, I want to!” Sehun backtracked, confirming. “It’s just…”

“They’re _both_ shy,” Tao explained, whipping out his phone. “This is why Hunnie would be lost without me. And… there. I invited him myself,” he holds his own phone up to Sehun’s screen to show Chanyeol a message to Jongin (full of cute emoticons and caps lock).

“Alright, well,” Chanyeol continued, “if 3:00pm works for you guys, would it be okay if you picked me up by the dorm’s parking lot and we can go to the local mall? I can ask Jongin to wait with me.”

Sehun motioned for Tao to come closer so he could whisper something into his ear. “We’re deliberating,” he explained when he saw Chanyeol’s confused expression.

“Alright, we’re on,” Tao confirmed

“Perfect!” Chanyeol grinned. Even with the addition of Jongin, it had been far too long since he was able to hang out with Tao and Sehun. “Maybe we can all get dinner after we’re done shopping.”

“Oh, good idea,” Sehun nodded in approval. “Tao is buying.”

“Hey!” Tao whined.

Chanyeol laughed at their bickering. “Alright, I’ll see you guys in a few hours, okay? Bye-bye!”

The three of them waved into their cameras, with Sehun hanging up before Chanyeol could even reach for the end call button. He closed the FaceTime app and opened up his messages.

 

[1:26 PM PST] **pcy** : where are you?? :(

[1:29 PM PST] **chennie** : w/ yixing

[1:29 PM PST] **pcy** : upstairs?

[1:30 PM PST] **chennie** : duh

[1:31 PM PST] **chennie** : where else

[1:32 PM PST] **pcy** : can you come home please? we didn’t finish talking and i’m going off campus in a bit over an hour

[1:36 PM PST] **chennie** : fine

 

Chanyeol could sense Jongdae was angry with him, and chose not to reply. Luckily, a few minutes later Jongdae burst through the door and jumped on their bed.

“Welcome back,” Chanyeol eyed him up and down. “Is it cool if I sit next to you?”

Jongdae lifted his head up so his voice wouldn’t be muffled by their pillows. “I hate it when you act all formal around me. We’ve been in the same back for over a year, and now you need to ask to sit down by me? Come on, man.”

Chanyeol sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I really need to finish talking to you about… all of this.”

“What? You don’t wanna be next to me anymore because you think I’ll hit on you?”

“No?” Chanyeol furrowed his brows, his voice raising in pitch. “It’s about _me_ , not you.”

“So you really are trying to pull some shitty joke on me. I get it.”

“Jongdae, what the _fuck_?” Chanyeol sat down next to him, pushing his left shoulder so his body faced Chanyeol more. “I’m trying to open myself up to you, okay? I’m doing this because you did the same to me. It’s not that deep, alright?”

“Okay, well,” Jongdae sat up to look at him, “have you ever considered for one moment that maybe it’s that deep to _me_?” He gestured to himself, aggressively pointing to his heart.

Chanyeol had seen Jongdae mad before, of course; they were roommates, and saw practically every side each of them had to offer. However, Chanyeol had never seen Jongdae act as frantic as this. It made his heart hurt. “I’m sorry, you’re right,” he sighed. “I’m not here to judge you though, I’m here to listen and be your friend.”

“I don’t want to be stuck in this stage of uncertainty,” Jongdae mumbled after a while.

“I think that’s just part of growing up. Being uncertain. If you were always certain, you’d never get to try new things or take a different path. Plus, I mean, if the path you decided to try ends up sucking, you can always just turn around and retrace your steps. And hey,” Chanyeol reached down to pat Jongdae on the shoulder, “I’ll always be here as your map.”

“I hate your stupid metaphors half the time,” Jongdae started, “but this time, all I can think about is how I don’t deserve you, as a roommate _or_ a friend.”

“I’m just being honest with you.”

“I still don’t think I’m gay, though.”

Chanyeol chuckled. “That’s fine, you don’t have to be. Your identity doesn’t have to stay the same your whole life, and it usually doesn’t anyway. It’s okay to change.”

Chanyeol wondered when he started to sound like Baekhyun.

Jongdae pursed his lips and looked around, like he was unsure if what he wanted to say was okay or not. When Chanyeol flashed him a warm smile, he sighed and returned the favor.

“So,” Jongdae started, eyeing Chanyeol up and down, “you really weren’t pulling my leg when you said you... _weren’t_ a guy?”

Chanyeol shook his head and shrugged. “I’m not sure what I am, honestly,” he admitted. “This is super new to me. I just don’t want you to think of me as one.”

Jongdae hummed. “We’re both changing a lot, aren’t we?”

“Maybe. I think the different sides of ourselves are just coming out now.”

“...Maybe so.”

 

* * *

 

Though Chanyeol was the one that originally suggested the shopping trip, he found himself a few hours later being dragged from store to store by Tao. Sehun, the infamous Tao-Enabler, did nothing to stop him, and the addition of Jongin only encouraged Tao further.

Not that Chanyeol wasn’t having the time of his life. If anything, he was having far more fun than originally anticipated. Tao never discriminated when it came to clothes-- they were _simply cut and colored pieces of fabric_ , as he put it. In Tao’s eyes, there were no men or women’s sections, only clothes to be bought and worn.

Sehun seemed to pick up on Chanyeol’s desire to shop like Tao, especially when he caught Chanyeol peeking at maxi-skirts.

“You picking out something for Yoora?” Sehun spoke up behind him, his hands full of different kinds of jackets and button-ups.

“Nah,” Chanyeol shook his head as he began to sift through the skirt rack. “Myself.”

Sehun hummed. “I didn’t know you liked skirts. That long black one in the back would look good on you.”

Chanyeol wiggled in place, trying to conceal his excitement from the compliment. “You think so?”

“Yeah, you totally have the legs for it. I’m honestly a little jealous.”

Chanyeol leaned over to pick up the skirt, checked to see if it was in a large, then folded it over his arm. “Thanks,” he turned to Sehun. “If you see any, y’know, other nice skirts, can you let me know?

“Sure thing, buddy,” Sehun patted his shoulder. “Though if I were you, I’d try that on now. I’m pretty sure I just saw Tao drag Jongin into another store, and I am _not_ losing Tao in the mall again.” He paused to shudder. “Never again.”

 

After Chanyeol successful bought two skirts (the same maxi-skirt from before and a nice floral patterned one that was slightly shorter), the four of them decided on going to a makeup store as their last destination before dinner.

“Baekhyun was telling me about this new warm-tone palette that just came out,” Tao explained as he led them all into the section that contained new releases. “The packaging is supposed to be super cute, too. Oh, and there it is! Holy shit, the typography on this is to die for.”

Chanyeol watched with eager eyes as Tao opened up the sample palette and began to swatch the different colors. He listened as Tao discussed the pigmentation of the shades, what he liked and didn’t like, and which looked best on his specific skin tone.

“This dark violet shade it would look so good on Jongin,” Tao mumbled aloud. He signaled for Jongin to come over and close his eyes, and dabbed the color on the outer corner of his eyes with his pinky finger.

“Oh my God,” Sehun gasped when Jongin opened his eyes. “Tao, you really know what you’re talking about.”

“Where’s the mirror?” Jongin looked around. “I wanna see!”

Tao took Jongin by the wrist and led him to a nearby mirror, continuously poking his sides while Jongin stared in the mirror.

“I feel so cute right now!” He turned around to embrace Tao in a hug, then pointed to the palette. “You so gotta buy that. You should do my makeup sometime!”

“Next time we hang out, we should invite Baekhyun,” Tao began, “and have a little makeup party. I can do your makeup, and Baekhyun can do Chanyeol’s. Sehun can be the judge.”

“Fine by me,” Sehun shrugged. “I don’t like it when you guys do my makeup anyway.”

“Your eyes are too hard to work with,” Tao whined.

“Not all of us are lucky enough to be born with eyes as nice as yours,” Sehun stuck his tongue out.

“I like both of your eyes,” Jongin shyly commented. Tao and Sehun cooed at him as if he was a newborn baby, and not someone in the same age demographic as them.

“Well, anyway,” Tao shook the palette, “I’m gonna go check this baby out. You guys can wait outside if you wanna.”

“Ah!” Chanyeol snapped his hands. “I need to buy more BB cream.”

“You wear BB cream?” Tao turned to him. “I know a good brand, and I can guarantee you that it’s not the one you’re using.”

“You’re my hero,” Chanyeol sobbed. “I’m dumping Sehun and replacing you as my new best friend.”

“I’m finally free,” Sehun joked. Chanyeol heard Jongin giggle beside him as Tao led him to the register.

Tao was apparently in a generous mood, and offered to pay for Chanyeol’s BB cream. Since he had a membership card with the makeup store, he also received a mini mascara tube and a sample sized pressed eyeshadow pan, both of which he passed down to Chanyeol.

“I get free samples all the time,” he explained. “I have no need for them, so I’d rather give them to you. Plus, I think that peachy eyeshadow would look wonderful on you.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol smiled. He felt his heart flutter knowing his friends didn’t find any of this stuff abnormal or weird.

“But onto more important matters,” Tao turned to him with a mischievous grin. “Dinner.”

 

They ended up settling on a retro themed diner that was used to college kids capitalizing off their cheap coffee and soggy french fries. Thankfully, none of them minded after a long day of running from store to store, and were grateful for the friendly atmosphere. After all of them had ordered, Chanyeol decided it was a good time to speak up.

“Guys, I kind of have something important to say.”

The remaining three stopped their chatter to turn their attention to Chanyeol. “What’s up?” Sehun asked.

“Do you guys… know about, like gender and stuff?”

Chanyeol wanted to slap himself across the face for asking something so stupid.

“Gender?” Tao repeated. “Nope, never heard of it. Sorry.”

“Haha, very funny,” Chanyeol said sarcastically.

“No, like,” Tao’s expression turned serious, “jokes aside, I really don’t think about it. I think I’m beyond these little gender roles society likes to give us. I’m just _t-a-o_ , you get it?”

Sehun groaned, but Chanyeol felt the corners of his mouth twitch upward.

“Exactly!” He grinned. “I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m not really comfortable anymore with the thought of people viewing me as a guy. I’m more than that! Or less actually, I’m not really sure. Maybe both…?”

“Oh no,” Jongin’s eyes widened slightly, “have I been using the wrong pronouns on you the entire time? I’m so sorry.”

“No, no,” Chanyeol frantically waved his hands back and forth, “that’s not it. I’m okay with everything remaining the same, at least for right now. I just wanted to let you guys know, since you’re my friends and everything. I guess I’m not really okay with being referred to as a dude or a guy or anything like that.”

Sehun hummed. “What about like feminine titles?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “I don’t really like how forced that feels on me personally. I’ve just been basically going around my friend groups and announcing this new side of me, but it’s actually been really easy telling you guys.”

“I live with Tao,” Sehun snorted. “I have to listen to his gender rants like, every other day.”

“Yeah,” Jongin shrugged, “Tao already kind of ranted about this to me while he was really drunk.”

Chanyeol fought the urge to cry on his now cold chicken fingers. “You guys are the greatest.”

 

Before the four of them parted ways, Sehun took Chanyeol aside for a brief moment.

“I told you that the people who really matter would accept you for who you are,” he said.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol admitted. “I’m just glad I believe that now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the views for this have nearly doubled since the last double upload, and that just makes me so, so happy!! and i know 100+ kudos isnt "amazing" or whatever, but it means so much to me just getting even one honestly. thank you guys soooo much for everything so far!  
> i found out that one of my coworkers at my job is genderfluid, and it was super cool listening to someone a lot older than me talk about gender!! also my job is def taking time away from working on writing, so i do apologize for not being able to update as much as id wanna D:  
> i wont be tagging kaitaohun as a ship, at least not yet. if they become more important, however, i might. btw i may or may not have been wanting to talk about chanyeol wearing a skirt since his iconic line in forever (¬‿¬)  
> as usual, im always willing to answer any questions!


	8. Beauty Tip #8: It's Always Good To Get A Second Opinion!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings include mental health issues, suicidal thoughts, casual mention of death, and nsfw (wow, what a jump!). if you dont want to read the nsfw, there is a break in the text once it ends, so it should be relatively easy to skip.

“I want to do your makeup.”

Chanyeol nearly blacked out when he heard Baekhyun’s request while they were studying.

“Like… now?”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun snorted, “we’re in the library. Do you think I just carry makeup around with me at all times?”

“Well--”

“Because you’d be correct,” Baekhyun continued as he tapped the physics book they were looking at twice. “We have other things to worry about right now, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The warm lighting in this room from those sheer curtains makes you look really pretty, and I was trying to figure out what colors would look best on your face.”

Chanyeol shook his iced coffee and hummed. “Tao gave me a peach eyeshadow, and said that would look nice on me.”

“He beat me too it, then,” Baekhyun shrugged, and reached over to lightly poke Chanyeol’s nose.

“He also said he wanted to have a makeup competition with you,” Chanyeol said as he toyed with the coffee straw in his mouth, “where Tao would do Jongin’s makeup and you would do mine, then Sehun would judge who has the better look.”

Baekhyun whistled. “I would definitely want to do that eventually, but first…” He leaned over their books and gently placed his hand on Chanyeol’s cheek, “I want to do your makeup alone, sweetie.”

Chanyeol nodded and closed his eyes as he felt Baekhyun’s long fingers tilt his face up. He only reopened them when he felt the warmth disappear.

“How about after we finish chapter five?” Baekhyun asked him, breaking him out of his trance.

“But we’re only on chapter two!” Chanyeol whined.

“Then we better hurry, right?” Baekhyun stuck his tongue out. Chanyeol briefly wondered what he would look like with a piercing somewhere on his mouth.

“Fine, fine,” Chanyeol groaned as he scooted his chair closer to Baekhyun’s. “You sure know how to motivate me, huh? And to think I was the one that was supposed to be helping you this term…”

“I mean, you kind of are,” Baekhyun admitted, staring down at his work.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, it’s nothing. I’m sure if you’ve seen all my YouTube videos you would know by now anyway.”

Chanyeol tilted his head, confused by the statement. Last time he checked, he had seen all of Baekhyun’s videos, but nothing came to mind when he tried to figure out what Baekhyun was talking about.

“Yeah…” Chanyeol trailed off, nervously playing with the buttons on his flannel. “After we finish studying, can I just have a small break to shower and whatnot? I can text you when I get out.”

“You don’t need to get my permission to do anything like that,” Baekhyun told him, his eyes softening. “I could always just wait in your room though, unless you don’t want that.”

“Nah, my room is a huge mess right now. Plus, I’m not sure if Jongdae is there or not,” Chanyeol forced himself to say. He knew that Jongdae would be gone for the entire day, because he begged Minseok to take him out on Saturday once Jongdae found out he used to know Junmyeon. Chanyeol just needed some time alone to figure out what Baekhyun was talking about.

“Alright, sure thing,” Baekhyun easily accepted, and Chanyeol appreciated the fast-paced communication.

Maybe he was the one that was slightly fake.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Three hours and two cups of coffee later, Chanyeol found himself aggressively scrolling through Baekhyun’s YouTube channel, trying to search for anything he might have missed over the years. Every video he published had a red line at the bottom of the thumbnail, signalizing that  Chanyeol had already viewed it. When he passed the first Q&A video he watched, he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him, and he sighed. Chanyeol was about to scroll past it when he gasped in sudden realization, and rushed to click on it.

“Of course!” He shouted aloud to himself. “I skipped around this stupid video, and was too nervous to go back to it!”

Chanyeol skipped around a lot until he reached a spot he didn’t recognize. It was strange to see Baekhyun like this again, younger, with more acne on his face and his hair dyed a light brown. He looked more tired than Chanyeol recalled, or maybe that was just the lighting in his room. Chanyeol took a deep breath, and pressed play.

“--More or less simple, it’s still always difficult when you have to learn a language that has a different alphabetical system to it. Good luck, Amy!” Baekhyun formed a heart with his two hands, and then waved. _Oh, right,_ Chanyeol thought. _He was explaining how to learn Korean to someone._

“Okay, let’s see,” Baekhyun turned back to his screen. “Our next question is from _BubblegumSpice,_ who’s been supporting me for as long as I can remember! Hi Bubblegum, thanks for always commenting!” He paused to once again, wave to the camera, and cleared his throat. “Hi Baekyunee, hope all is well. You’re going to be going to college soon, right? I was wondering if you selected your university yet.”

Chanyeol watched Baekhyun’s expression gradually fall as he read the comment.

“Ah, well, about this…” Baekhyun tapped on his cheeks, “I’m not going to university right now. I need to take a break, you know? I never publicly announced this, but my mental health is very bad. I’m not in a good place right now at all, and I feel like I’d be a threat to both myself and others if I just went to college now.” He paused to let out a dry laugh, and he shook his head. “I dunno. I sort of use this channel as a coping mechanism, I guess, but I know that's not good for me. That’s why I stopped publishing videos bi-weekly, and now I only post on Sunday. I should’ve announced it then and there, or put this whole rant in a separate video, but I really don’t want people who aren’t heavily invested in my videos to know about this. I figured only my most loyal followers--” he wiggled his fingers for dramatic effect, “--would watch a video like this. You don’t have to worry about me, though! If I wanted to actually die or something, I would shut the channel down first. Ha. That sounds kind of bad, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t do that to you guys. I’m just waiting for my mental health to be stable enough that I can attend classes without having to worry if I’ll have a panic attack in the middle of a lecture hall, or something else really stupid.” He sighed, rubbing his temples. “I really don't even know why I’m admitting all of this. I guess it's because I know you guys, and you're like my second family. Ah, well. I guess you know how mental illnesses can go now, and that’s basically why I’m just taking a break from school right now. Anyway, we have time for one last--”

Chanyeol closed the video, deleted his internet history, and called Baekhyun. After just one ring, he picked up.

“Hey!” He heard Baekhyun’s cheery voice over the phone static.

“You can come over now. Bring your makeup.” Chanyeol licked his lips. “Please.”

 

Baekhyun knocked on Chanyeol’s door twice before opening it up slowly. “Hey-o,” he called out, poking his head in. “Is Jongdae here?”

“Nah,” Chanyeol confirmed, and walked over to fully open his door and invite Baekhyun in. He watched as Baekhyun put his backpack down on the floor and stretched. When Baekhyun finished stretching, he turned to face Chanyeol.

“You’re staring.”

“I am? Sorry.”

“Augh, you’re so cute,” Baekhyun whined. “I’m so excited to do this, you have no idea.”

Chanyeol nodded in understanding. He was anticipating someone who was actually good at makeup working on his face, but he couldn’t help but feel a slight disconnection to Baekhyun due to their earlier conversation.

“Ready when you are,” Chanyeol told him.

“I was born ready. Can you sit down for me?” Baekhyun didn’t wait for Chanyeol to answer; instead, he gently took him by the wrist and walked him over to Chanyeol’s desk chair.

“Alright, do you have any BB or CC cream of your own?” Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol hummed, and reached over to his desk to pull out the BB cream Tao bought him. “Thanks, sweetie. Any brushes?”

“Nope.”

“That’s fine, I cleaned mine while you were showering.” Baekhyun frowned. “Your hair is still dry, actually. Did you change your mind?”

Chanyeol felt his breath hitch. “Yeah,” he admitted. “I got distracted watching animal videos and when I realized how much time had passed, I thought it would be a waste of time.”

“That is the most _you_ thing I have ever heard,” Baekhyun shook his head, smiling down at him. Chanyeol felt a pang of guilt hit him like a truck.

He closed his eyes as he felt Baekhyun dab the BB cream on his face, and tried to imagine what he looked like. All his scars, red spots, little freckles and birthmarks being hidden away from the world just like that. The BB cream wasn’t strong enough to cover up the more serious issues though, like acne or blackheads, among other things.

“This is a good brand,” Baekhyun commented.

“Tao recommended it to me when we were shopping.”

Baekhyun made a sound of approval. “Do you have concealer?”

“Uh-huh. Second drawer on the right.”

“Eugh, this brand sucks.”

“It works fine for me!” Chanyeol opened his eyes and stuck his tongue out.

“We want quality for you, baby,” Baekhyun told him in an over-the-top salesman voice. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if the _baby_ was part of the gag, or a new name he could look forward to being called. “Unfortunately though, I didn’t bring my concealer, so we’ll just have to make do.”

When Chanyeol closed his eyes again, Baekhyun moved the applicator below his eyes in a triangular shaped pattern, which was something Chanyeol had never done before.

“Why do you do it that way?” Chanyeol asked, curious.

“It’ll give your face more dimension,” Baekhyun explained while dabbing the concealer over his blemishes, “since the concealer is a lighter color than your natural skintone.”

“Huh. I never thought way. I’ve been wondering about that since I first saw you do that in your videos.”

Baekhyun stifles a laugh. “Was I the first beauty guru you watched?”

“The first and only.”

Baekhyun stopped moving around for a minute, causing Chanyeol to open his eyes once more.

“Wow,” Baekhyun breathed. “I… wow. I didn’t know that.”

“Why are you so taken aback?” Chanyeol questioned.

“I don’t know, really,” Baekhyun admitted. “I guess I figured you were always into beauty, or that you followed a multitude of makeup specialists. Can I do your brows with gel instead of pencil?”

“Sure. I only got into your videos because I saw my sister watching them.”

Baekhyun laughed as he unscrewed his brow gel. “Did she force you to watch them or something?”

“Nah, she just gave me the name of your channel and left me alone. I was stupid enough to search you up, wasn’t I?”

“The stupidest,” Baekhyun said as he leaned down to quickly kiss Chanyeol on the lips. “Now, don’t make any funny faces or I’ll ruin your brows.”

Chanyeol went lax and tuned into the feeling of Baekhyun brushing his face gently. It was a nice, relaxing feeling, but it wasn’t enough to distract him from the growing pit of anxiety in his stomach.  

“I don’t know if my foundation will be the right shade for your skin, but I guess we’ll find out when we get there,” he heard Baekhyun say. “Let’s test it out.”

Chanyeol slowly opened his eyes, and looked up to find Baekhyun smiling softly at him. “‘Kay.”

“You look sleepy,” Baekhyun noted.

“Feeling you do my brows was strangely therapeutic,” Chanyeol told him.

“Hmm,” Baekhyun hummed as he squeezed a bit of his foundation out onto his hand, “you must really like people touching you, and I don’t mean in a sexual way. Like in a sensory way.”

“Ah, maybe?” Chanyeol furrowed his brows. “I never really thought about it.”

“I wonder what you do think about, sometimes,” Baekhyun mumbled, tapping a beauty blender on his hand over the foundation. He began to pat it onto Chanyeol’s face, slowly. “It’s a little too cool-toned for your skin, but it’ll make do. We can fix that with a bit of bronzer and blush.”

Chanyeol studied Baekhyun’s face as he continued to dab foundation on his skin. His expression was content, while also serious, as he dedicated himself to making sure Chanyeol looked perfect. It was one of the greatest sights Chanyeol had ever seen, and that’s why it hurt him so much.

“Have you ever thought about dying?” Chanyeol blurted without thinking. Baekhyun’s hand slipped, and he dropped the beauty blender.

“I-- what?” Baekhyun turned to him, the corners of his mouth twitching. He cleared his throat and shook his hands. “I mean, sure, but haven’t we all? We’re all going to, anyway. There’s nothing wrong with being naturally curious about death.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Baekhyun clamps his jaw shut. “Are you talking about, you know…”

When Chanyeol didn’t confirm or deny anything, Baekhyun clicked his tongue. “I guess, but you should know I’m better now. Since you know so much about me.”

“When’s the last time you thought about it?”

“About what?”

“Dying.”

Baekhyun sighed, and went to pick up his setting powder. “I dunno, like a few weeks ago?  It wasn’t serious though, I swear. We can leave it at that.”

Chanyeol didn’t answer. Instead, he watched an anxious Baekhyun brush powder over him with unstable hands.

“Well what more do you want me to say?!” Baekhyun spat, but it didn’t come out nearly as harsh as it was intended due to his voice shaking.

Chanyeol shrugged, and Baekhyun slammed the setting powder down on his desk.

“Alright, fine, you figured me out!” He exclaimed, his voice cracking in a similar fashion to the Q&A video. He leaned down so he was eye-to-eye with Chanyeol. “I think about dying _every single day of my life_ , and it’s horrible and terrible, but it’s my reminder of who I am. I don’t care if you judge me for that, and even though you probably won’t, I’m still not going to change that part of me. I don’t care if it’s unhealthy, or if it’s bad for me, or whatever else people wanna call it. If I’m not actively suicidal, then I’m not me.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes, like what he was saying was just in poor taste, not deathly serious. “Where’s the eyeshadow Tao gave you?”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol spoke up.

Baekhyun flinched. “What? Did you want to try one of my eyeshadows instead? Because I can show you my palettes--”

Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and pushed him down so he was sitting on his lap. He felt Baekhyun tense up at the sudden affection, which only caused him to hold him tighter. “I’m just worried,” he whispered, barely audible. “I don’t want you to force yourself to be in pain just so you feel like you know yourself. I’d like you even if you had no idea who you were.”

Baekhyun laughed dryly. “I appreciate the sentiment and all, but my brain won’t let that shit fly. Even if I told myself to stop thinking these thoughts, they would come to me in other ways. I’ve just adapted enough at this point to know where the bridge between ‘sad dude’ and ‘unstable psycho’ starts and ends. I just need to keep playing the role of minor sadness, and then everyone will leave me alone.”

“I had no idea it was this bad,” Chanyeol quietly admitted.

“I’m a good actor, aren’t I? I am a performance major, after all.”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol called out again, more serious.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re worried.”

“I’m beyond worried, honestly,” Chanyeol shook his head. “I’m terrified. I was only asking you that question because I was trying to see how much better you were since the first time you mentioned… being unwell.”

“I have good days, and bad days,” Baekhyun explained as he laced his fingers with Chanyeol’s. “Lately, I’ve been having some really good days, thanks to you.” He leaned into Chanyeol’s neck and sighed. “Sometimes, though, it’s not enough, or the positivity actually triggers a negative streak. It’s like, _why am I having fun? I didn’t do anything to deserve this._ So I’ll punish myself. When I’m in my negative state, it’s just easier for me. I don’t have to worry about breaking my rules if they’re already broken, do I?”

Chanyeol unlaced one of his hands from Baekhyun’s to rub circles in his back. “Sometimes, rules will be viewed as absolute, but they aren’t what’s morally right. Why do you think anarchy exists? Some rules are meant to be broken.”

“Chanyeol, that was the worst comparison you’ve made to this date,” Baekhyun shook his head.

“But you’re smiling!” Chanyeol called him out.

“So are you!”

“I’m only smiling because _you’re_ smiling!”

“So you’re an identity thief, are you?” Baekhyun teased him in a gritty voice.

“That’s right, you caught me!” Chanyeol played along. “I only steal from the cutest, nicest, most fun and caring individuals!”

Baekhyun groaned. “You’re the worst!”

“Because I learned from the best.”

“Fuck, Chanyeol, you’re on a roll today,” Baekhyun said, letting himself relax again. “You willingly listen to my depressing rant, and instead of patronizing me for it or forcing me to seek help, you crack jokes with me? You are too good.”

“I thought you just said I was the worst?”

“Augh, I wanna kiss you so bad right now,” Baekhyun sighed, “but my masterpiece isn’t done yet. We still gotta finish your makeup.”

“Wanna help me destroy it when you’re done?”

“This is why I like you. Of course I do.”

Baekhyun climbed off of Chanyeol and began working on his eyes. He used the peach eyeshadow from Tao as a base, and added a cool magenta shade by the corners of creases of Chanyeol’s eyes. He dabbed a matte brown shade strictly in the outer crease area for more dimension, and a shimmery champagne color around his tear duct. While he was working, Baekhyun never stopped complimenting Chanyeol on his facial features, positive attitude, and general existence.

“You look like royalty,” Baekhyun told Chanyeol as he admired his work. “Damn, I’m so good at this. Do you want eyeliner?”

“Yes please,” Chanyeol replied. “And mascara.”

“My sweetie is so polite,” Baekhyun cooed. “A perfect counterpart for someone such as myself.”

Baekhyun used a pencil liner on him, explaining that he wanted a softer look for Chanyeol, so felt and liquid liner was out of the question. When he finished, he handed Chanyeol his mascara.

“What’s up?” Chanyeol asked.

“I want you to do it,” Baekhyun said. “Doing other people’s mascara is kind of pointless, in my opinion. Plus, it’s not that hard. I can help you if you need it, though.”

“Alright, I’ll try,” Chanyeol shrugged. He turned to face his mirror, and used his pinky to stretch his eyelid. “Can I do this?”

“Your call. I usually don’t, but do whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”

Chanyeol began to wiggle the mascara brush on his lashes, and pulled up, watching as his lashes grew darker and longer. He continued to switch between his two eyes until they both looked properly covered and even, and then turned to Baekhyun.

“How did I do?” Chanyeol asked.

“You did great!” Baekhyun encouraged him. “Far better than the first time I did it. I stabbed my eye with the mascara wand and cried the formula out for a half hour.”

Chanyeol giggled. “So what’s left?”

“Just some skin stuff, and maybe some other things.”

Baekhyun picked a rosy blush out for Chanyeol, and brushed it over the apples of his cheeks until his face had a healthy flush to it.

“I’m being a little self indulgent,” he admitted. “I just really like to see you blush.”

Chanyeol’s facial flush suddenly became a lot more authentic.

Baekhyun continued to perfect his face, adding a bit of bronzer around his temples, jawline, and cheekbones, and then added highlighter to the highest points of his faces. He stepped back to examine his work.

“So this is what love looks like,” Baekhyun shook his head as he stared at Chanyeol. “I feel like I just carved a statue of a god.”

“I wanna see,” Chanyeol began, “ _after_ you add whatever extra stuff you were talking about earlier.

“Oh,” Baekhyun pursed his lips. “I was just thinking about lipstick.”

“What kind do you have?”

Baekhyun reached into his bag and pulled out six different cream lipsticks. “Take your pick. I didn’t bother to bring any of my liquid lipsticks because I knew we would just take all this off soon after.”

Chanyeol reached out to examine a deep, cool-toned red lipstick. “Is this too much?” He asked, hesitantly. “I just really want to try out lipstick like this.”

Baekhyun licked his lips, and took the lipstick back from Chanyeol. “No, it’s perfect. Let’s just prime your lips.” He reached into his bag to take out some lip balm, and handed it to Chanyeol. Baekhyun’s eyes landed on Chanyeol’s lips, and he watched as he rubbed the balm all over them.

“Alright,” Baekhyun cleared his throat, “if you could just slightly open your mouth for me…”

Chanyeol obliged, and Baekhyun uncapped the lipstick bullet.

The first hit of pigment on Chanyeol’s lips was a sight to behold. The cool red contrasted beautifully with Chanyeol’s warm-tinted lips, and he found himself drowning in Baekhyun’s artistic application. He carefully spread the color around, lining Chanyeol’s lips with as much precision as a surgeon. He slowly moved the color all over his lips, painting them delicately. When he pulled back, he signaled for Chanyeol to rub his lips together to blend everything out.

“Wow,” Baekhyun breathed.

“Can I see?” Chanyeol was practically bouncing up and down in his own seat. When Baekhyun handed him the mirror, he gasped. “I could kiss you right now.”

“You should,” Baekhyun playfully nudged him.

“Pictures!” Chanyeol shouted, ignoring Baekhyun’s request for a moment. “Wait, I have to take pictures. Just gimme a minute.”

Baekhyun counted every time he heard Chanyeol’s shutter go off (forty-six times), but he didn’t mind at all. Seeing Chanyeol be this excited over Baekhyun’s makeup was like free therapy for him, in a way.

“Now, about that kiss…” Chanyeol started, his phone now away. “Do you want me to remove the lipstick first?”

“No,” Baekhyun shook his head. “I want to see you all over me.”

Chanyeol swallowed. “Okay,” he agreed, his voice lower than before. “Come sit on me?”

“You’re the softest person I know,” Baekhyun told him as he fit his legs under the chair’s armrests.

“You must not know many people,” Chanyeol mumbled idly as he pressed his lips on Baekhyun’s neck. “Ah, now I want to see you wear this lipstick. This color looks nice on your skin.”

“I know _so many people_. Kiss me again.”

Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s neck and leaned in to kiss him properly on the lips.

“Like that,” he heard Baekhyun mumble, or maybe it was just his imagination. It was hard to tell what was real when his all his senses were fuzzy. Chanyeol slowly fell in love with the way Baekhyun felt on his lap, warm and grounding, while each subtle movement he made had Chanyeol’s head light and spinning.

Baekhyun was a good kisser, far better than Chanyeol, but neither of them seemed to mind the gap in experience. In fact, Chanyeol loved it when Baekhyun took control. It helped him tune out the constant worrying in his brain, helped him focus on Baekhyun and Baekhyun only.

Chanyeol licked Baekhyun’s lips, and groaned when he felt him open his mouth. Experimentally, Chanyeol stuck his tongue out to taste Baekhyun. He felt dizzy when Baekhyun mimicked his actions, which only encouraged him further.

“Wait, sweetie, wait,” Baekhyun tugged on Chanyeol’s hair lightly, forcing their mouths apart. “I want to lead a bit more.”

“Was I bad?” Chanyeol asked, trying not to let his nervousness get the best of him.

“Not at all,” Baekhyun kissed his ear, “I just like being in command sometimes.”

Chanyeol swallowed. “Can you show me?”

Baekhyun’s gaze lingered on Chanyeol’s body. “If you want me to.”

“How far are you planning on going?”

Baekhyun chuckled. “Not that far, but let me know if you ever want to slow down.”

“You’re the best,” Chanyeol beamed, and kissed both of Baekhyun’s cheeks.

“Mm,” Baekhyun hummed as he returned the favor, kissing Chanyeol’s blush-stained cheeks, then his lips. He tilted his jaw upwards slightly, and ran his tongue along Chanyeol’s neck. “How do you feel about hickeys?” He asked.

“I like them,” Chanyeol said. “I want them. Then we’d both be marked.”

“That’s pretty hot, actually,” Baekhyun mumbled against Chanyeol’s skin,  before sinking his teeth into his skin and toying with it.

Chanyeol hissed at the feeling of Baekhyun pulling away while still holding onto his skin, but sighed in relief when Baekhyun licked the sensitive area. Baekhyun continued to nip as his skin while his hands ran up and down Chanyeol’s torso, and the sensation was both over and underwhelming. Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun to take his time with him so he could savor every moment they had together, but his body was aching for more. Baekhyun seemed to pick up on his neediness, and slowly shifted his hands downward. Baekhyun couldn’t hide his smirk when he felt Chanyeol’s hips twitch up to meet his hands.

“Are you gonna…” Chanyeol started, trying to get the words out. Before he could clarify himself, Baekhyun shifted closer and kissed his mouth with such fervor, Chanyeol felt the words at the tip of his mouth fade away. When Baekhyun pressed his hand against his crotch, Chanyeol got his answer.

“Oh, that’s… that’s nice,” Chanyeol said inbetween kisses.

He felt Baekhyun snicker against his lips. “I didn’t even do anything yet.”

“Leave my virgin ass alone,” Chanyeol whined.

Baekhyun kissed him again, lighter. “Didn’t know, sorry. To be fair, you’re gorgeous, so I figured…”

“I’m flattered,” Chanyeol smiled at him. He lost his train of thought once more when Baekhyun spread his legs wider so both their stomachs were aligned with each other. Chanyeol gripped Baekhyun’s ass and pulled him even closer, silently asking for some more friction. Baekhyun humored him by grinding down on him while also pulling his hair back.

“Nice,” Baekhyun mumbled, “you look nice like this.” He went back to the first spot on Chanyeol’s neck that he marked, and played with the bruise again.

Chanyeol wondered how it was possible for Baekhyun to know just what he wanted. He wanted to be toyed with, used, but he wanted to be sure it was all out of affection. Baekhyun’s constant glances to check his facial expression, his words of encouragement, and light touches after harsh kisses was more than enough proof for Chanyeol.

Feeling extra needy, Chanyeol tugged on Baekhyun’s ear so he would look up at him. Before Baekhyun could ask what he wanted, Chanyeol leaned in to kiss him, licking the inside of his mouth. Baekhyun pushed his shoulders back, and pulled away.

“Not yet, sweetie,” Baekhyun shook his head. “I get to taste you first.”

Baekhyun pulled on Chanyeol’s lower lip until he heard Chanyeol groan. He rubbed the back of his neck as he began to kiss him, and Chanyeol savored the way their lips fit perfectly together. Baekhyun licked Chanyeol’s lips, the inside of his mouth, and tongue. Chanyeol shivered underneath him, loving the direct attention. Baekhyun’s hands wandering all over Chanyeol’s chest, sides, and thighs as he continued to kiss him with his tongue. When Baekhyun’s thumb brushed over Chanyeol’s growing erection, he broke off the kiss to stare at Chanyeol.

“So,” Baekhyun began.

“So,” Chanyeol repeated, his eyes heavy.

They both knew what they wanted. Baekhyun slowly pushed himself off Chanyeol, trying to ignore the fact that their skin was sticky from how hard both of them were sweating, and got on his knees. Chanyeol shifted himself upwards so his bottom was on the edge of the chair, giving Baekhyun more access to himself.

“Can you take off your pants for me?” Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol nodded quickly, and began to unbutton his shorts. Before he could get to his boxers, Baekhyun placed a hand on his hip. “I got it from here on, sweetie,” he told him. Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s shorts off him completely, and put them on the floor so he could rest his knees on them. “Sorry about this. Dunno how long I’ll be down here for.”

Chanyeol let out a boisterous laugh. “Probably not long at all.”

Baekhyun smiled at him warmly, before he rested his head on Chanyeol’s bare thighs. His fingers grazed both of Chanyeol’s ankles, and they slowly inched up his legs. Chanyeol found it hard to sit still during the whole ordeal, especially since Baekhyun refuse to break eye contact with him as his hands inched their way to his boxers. When his hands reached the fabric, Baekhyun wrapped his right arm around Chanyeol’s corresponding thigh, and he began to palm his boxers with the left one. Chanyeol’s legs twitched once Baekhyun’s hand came in contact with his crotch, but Baekhyun was quick to hold him down.

“Please don’t knee me,” Baekhyun joked as he leaned in between Chanyeol’s legs. Even through the fabric, Chanyeol could feel his hot breath on his cock. He practically _did_ knee Baekhyun in the face when the smaller of the two placed his tongue on the material and licked up. The friction of the fabric on his cock was something he wasn’t used to, but he was far from complaining.

As much as Chanyeol wanted to feel Baekhyun’s mouth on his cock with nothing inbetween, he didn’t dare rush him. The way Baekhyun was taking care of him made him feel like time was slowing around him, like they were the only two people in the whole world that mattered. He wondered if Baekhyun felt the same, or if he was feeling just as good as Chanyeol himself was. He hoped so.

Chanyeol looked down to find Baekhyun completely absorbed in his cock. He vaguely remembered Sehun mentioning just how good Baekhyun was at sucking people off, and he shivered in anticipation. Baekhyun seemed to notice, licked his lips, and grabbed the elastic on Chanyeol’s boxers. He looked up for approval, and Chanyeol had to bite his lip to prevent himself from moaning. The sight of Baekhyun staring up at him with such enthusiasm had heat coil in the pit of his stomach. He nodded, and that’s all Baekhyun needed. He backed up so he could take the boxers off with more ease, and Chanyeol couldn’t help the moan that escaped from his lips when he got a good look at Baekhyun.

He appeared to be just as hard as Chanyeol, if not harder. Chanyeol could hardly understand, since Baekhyun hadn’t been touched, nor was he touching himself in the heat of the moment. His thoughts were interrupted when he felt Baekhyun tongue at the head of his cock, and he gripped his chair tightly so he wouldn’t accidentally kick Baekhyun. He seemed to appreciate Chanyeol’s gesture, and patted his sides in thanks.

“Are you okay with this?” Baekhyun asked, his voice slightly strained.

“Uh-huh,” Chanyeol confirmed. “And you?”

Baekhyun groaned. “Yes. Fuck yes. God, you’re so beautiful, I can’t take it. I want this so much.”

Chanyeol’s head reeled back at Baekhyun’s words. “I’m glad,” he managed to get out. He could see Baekhyun squirming in place, like his own arousal was preventing him from properly moving. “Do you need any help yourself?”

Baekhyun moaned just at the words. “No, I’m fine. I wanna make you cum so badly.”

Chanyeol had a brief thought about Sehun, if his blowjob with Baekhyun went down in a similar fashion, if Baekhyun wanted to get Sehun off as desperately as he wanted Chanyeol to.

Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s cock into his mouth once more, while his hands moved to touch the parts he couldn’t swallow. Chanyeol groaned at the feeling of both sensations, which only made Baekhyun take him in further. He dug his fingernails into Chanyeol’s thighs, and Chanyeol let out a hiss. Baekhyun apologized for his actions by rubbing the tender skin and licking the underside of his cock.

Chanyeol seemed to be getting enough satisfaction for the both of them, as Baekhyun would often make pleased sounds when Chanyeol showed any sign of enjoyment. Baekhyun hollowed his cheeks to make sure he was taking in as much of Chanyeol as he could, and when he groaned in arousal, Baekhyun would too. The feeling of Baekhyun moaning while sucking him off was unlike anything else Chanyeol had ever experienced, and he found it addicting. It made him feel attractive, wanted, and almost powerful in an indirect manner.

“I think I’m close,” Chanyeol told him, and Baekhyun surprised him by begin to grind on the chair.

“Ah, fuck,” Baekhyun stammered, temporarily removing Chanyeol’s cock from his mouth. “You’re too much, _fuck_. You’re so hot, baby.”

Chanyeol groaned upon hearing the nickname make a comeback, but his attention remained focused on Baekhyun. His eyes were screwed shut, with one of his hands dangerously close to his erection, like he so desperately wanted to relieve himself but he wasn’t sure if that was okay. Chanyeol wanted him to feel good, too.

Baekhyun’s mouth found its way back to Chanyeol’s heavy cock, all while he was still shaking and whining under Chanyeol. While he licked and sucked, Chanyeol gently kneed Baekhyun’s sides and carded his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair. Baekhyun groaned at the feeling, making the back of his mouth vibrate, all while he was sucking Chanyeol off. Chanyeol lost control of his limbs again, and his leg twitched and rubbed against Baekhyun’s hard-on.

“O-oh fuck, that’s good,” Baekhyun keened into Chanyeol’s leg, grinding against it. “Oh my God, _shit_.”

Chanyeol cracked a smile at Baekhyun’s rampant cursing, but he wasn’t one to talk. He was sweating and tingling all over, and felt as if he was moments away from release.

“Is it wrong if I want to cum on your face?” Chanyeol wondered aloud.

“Fuck, _please_ ,” Baekhyun encouraged, and sucked on the head of his cock. “I want to look just as pretty as you do.”

Chanyeol whined, tightening his grip on Baekhyun’s hair. “Okay, okay, okay,” he whispered, over and over. “Okay, yes, okay.”

Baekhyun licked his length once more, and backed up when he felt Chanyeol squeeze his shoulder. Chanyeol furrowed his brows, let out a low groan, and came right over Baekhyun’s swollen lips.

Chanyeol stared down at Baekhyun, watching as he licked the cum off his lips and gave Chanyeol’s oversensitive cock one final tug, just to be sure he was finished. Chanyeol screwed his eyes shut at the sensation, and let out a shaky breath when he felt Baekhyun lick the tip. He was still aggressively moving his hips, right on Chanyeol’s legs, but Chanyeol didn’t mind at all. He pushed his leg out more, until it was directly rubbing against Baekhyun’s cock, and he began to pant due to the increase in friction.

“I’m--” Baekhyun started, but he didn’t need to finish his sentence for Chanyeol to know what was coming next. Chanyeol quickly got off the chair to kiss Baekhyun, and began to palm at his pants.

“You can do it,” Chanyeol encourage him in a low voice. Baekhyun gasped and sunk his teeth into Chanyeol’s neck for grounding, then came in his pants.

They both sat in each other’s arms for a moment, their breathing ragged and uneven, until Chanyeol managed the strength to lean up.

“That was…” He began to say.

“Amazing,” Baekhyun finished for him.

Chanyeol hummed in agreement, and leaned in to kiss Baekhyun. When Baekhyun turned his head away, he whined.

“No kissies until we clean up,” Baekhyun denied him. “I just creamed my pants like a middle schooler.”

Chanyeol snorted. “Is that normal for you?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “God, no. I really don’t know what came over me, to be honest. I’ve never been more attracted to anyone before in my life. Just looking at your face while I was blowing you sent me over the edge.”

Chanyeol felt his face grew warm, and he stood up. “Let me get you some paper towels from the bathroom, okay?”

“Your pants are still down!” Baekhyun shouted before Chanyeol could open the door.

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol cried, and scrambled to pull his boxers up. Baekhyun cracked up at the sight of his crush fumbling around. “I’ll be right back, you nerd,” he grumbled.

 

Chanyeol returned moments later with an abundance of paper towels, some wet and some dry. He helped clean Baekhyun up, even if the other was opposed to being taken care of.

“I want to take care of you,” Baekhyun argued, “especially after the first time we did something like this.”

“Well, you’ll have many more chances to take care of me,” Chanyeol said as he tossed Baekhyun a spare pair of boxers. “Right?”

“Duh. Can we cuddle now?”

“As long as you’re the big spoon.”

“Chanyeol, sweetie, you’re way taller than me. It’s not gonna work.”

“Weak,” Chanyeol teased, “but fine. Wanna lay on top of me?”

Baekhyun practically squealed hearing that, and he dragged Chanyeol to his bed.

“Do you think it’s wrong to take a nap before dinnertime, and while we both have makeup smeared all over each other? Baekhyun jokingly asked as he snuggled up against Chanyeol.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun on the temple. “Sometimes, you gotta have a little anarchy in life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay firstly, i cant believe i wrote all of this in like a day??...i wanna say theres only two chapters in this fic left, but ive gotten very attached to the personifications ive made for the members, and theres currently a few things left unsaid for other characters. maybe ill write silly little drabbles in the future from the same verse.
> 
> secondly, teasers for /power/ are coming out, and im honestly kind of spooked. i have a fic ive been working on since early 2017 (very slowly, i only have like 13k), and theres so many similarities its freaking me out tbh. i cant spoil too much, but the colors, baekhyun being significant and missing something, and the 'search for light', are all huge themes for my fic!! ive had actually had this concept since like...2003. so u heard it here first everyone, sm has gotten ahold of my notes on google docs...
> 
> this is (vaguely) [what chanyeol looks like with the makeup on](https://twitter.com/adwox/status/903342683778895872) (shh i drew this very quickly after i finished writing and im not doing him justice)
> 
> EDIT: i forgot to mention im back at school right now, and im currently in three fic fests, so updates are kind of slow! im super sorry about that.


	9. Beauty Tip #9: Verbalize Your Thoughts!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah... ive been.... gone for a while..... and im so sorry about that! im currently in three fic fests and back in uni full time, so this fic's priority got pushed back a lot. regardless, please enjoy!

Chanyeol’s peaceful slumber was rudely interrupted by the sound of Jongdae complaining.

“Aw, come on!” Jongdae whined at the sight of Baekhyun spread on top of Chanyeol. “Get your nasty PDA out of our bed.”

“Welcome home, I guess,” Chanyeol rubbed his eyes. “Also, you’d be lying if you said Baekhyun didn’t look adorable right now. Even his snoring is cute.”

“He’s drooling on you,” Jongdae crouched down to get a better look at Baekhyun. Chanyeol made a face, but didn’t make move.

“I’ve had his spit on me before,” Chanyeol shrugged.

“Gross,” Jongdae made a fake gagging sound.

“How did your outing with Minseok go?” Chanyeol asked, changing the topic.

“I’ll tell you after Sleeping Beauty over here leaves,” Jongdae pointed to Baekhyun, who was beginning to stir. “No rush, of course.”

“Mm,” Chanyeol hummed, going to scratch Baekhyun’s hair. “Fine. Get up, Baekkie.”

“ _Baekkie_?” Jongdae snorted.

“Shut up, I thought it would help him wake up.”

Baekhyun groaned, and shifted his position on top of Chanyeol.

“Shh, you’re waking the baby,” Chanyeol hissed, then turned his attention towards Baekhyun to coo at him.

“Whipped,” Jongdae coughed out.

“Maybe so,” Chanyeol stuck his tongue out.

“Oh, so you’re finally embracing it?”

“Everyone, inside voices,” Baekhyun groaned. “You’re all so… loud.”

Jongdae and Chanyeol exchanged glances.

“Baekhyun, we’re all loud,” Jongdae said.

Baekhyun laughed, and Chanyeol felt his body shake on top of him. “That’s true, I was just in the middle of a really nice dream.”

“Nice dreams are good,” Chanyeol said, borderline dumbfounded by his own simplicity.

“Thank you, captain obvious,” Jongdae shook his head.

“Leave him be, he’s so cute like this,” Baekhyun pinched Chanyeol’s cheek fat. “I really should go, though. I promised Jongin I would have dinner with him today and he probably thinks I ditched him.”

“Didn’t you tell him you’d be here?” Jongdae asked.

“Well yeah, but I didn’t exactly plan on taking a nap, among other things.”

Jongdae raised his eyebrows at the last comment, but chose not to say anything.

“You can go,” Chanyeol spoke up. “I’ll text you! Let’s make plans or something.”

“A date?” Baekhyun turned to him with hopeful eyes.

Chanyeol giggled. “Yes, a date. We’re still not done talking about earlier, though.”

Baekhyun groaned. “Ugh, fine, it’s only fair. I’m gonna go wipe my makeup off in the bathroom, then get dinner. See you later!” He planted a quick kiss on Chanyeol’s forehead, grabbed his bag, and ran out the door. When he was gone, Chanyeol buried his face into his pillow.

“He’s so cute!” He squealed, his voice slightly muffled.

“Like I said, _whipped_ ,” Jongdae teased.

“Whatever,” Chanyeol turned so his face was no longer obscured. “How was your talk with Minseok? Did you learn anything?”

Jongdae sighed. “Oh God, where do I start. He… Junmyeon, I mean, is a senior. I’m not sure what his major is.”

“And?”

“Minseok isn’t really sure of his sexuality, even though they were friends,” Jongdae explained.

“How come we’ve never heard of him before then?”

“I dunno,” Jongdae shrugged. “You know how Minseok likes to separate his friend groups.”

“He’s always been a little paranoid,” Chanyeol hummed, “but anyway, about this Junmyeon guy. Go on.”

“That’s kind of all I know about him as of now.”

Chanyeol pursed his lips. “Well, that was disappointing.”

“Minseok said he’s really nice,” Jongdae backtracked, “and that his sense of humor is so bad that, in a twisted way, it’s actually pretty good.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

Jongdae threw his hands up in the air. “You know dad jokes? Shit like that.”

Chanyeol made an ‘o’ with his lips, and shrugged. “So I guess you’re into dads.”

“Haha, very funny,” Jongdae rolled his eyes, and coughed after a beat of silence. “But seriously though, I swear I’m not.”

“I get it,” Chanyeol said with a slight edge to his voice. “What are you gonna do with all this information though?”

Jongdae smacked his lips together. “Well, you see, I kind of… messaged him on Facebook?”

Chanyeol gasped. “That’s huge news, what the fuck!” He pushed Jongdae’s shoulder playfully. “I can’t believe you didn’t instantly mention this. Did he answer?”

“Good question. I haven’t checked.”

“Wow, this is so unlike you,” Chanyeol shook his head. “This is the most anxious I’ve seen you in a while. The last time you were like this was the day you studied scenes one to three of that one play your final was on instead of _acts_ one to three.”

“That was a goddamn nightmare,” Jongdae rubbed his temples at the memory. “This is still just as hellish, though.”

“But why?”

“I don’t want him to think I’m coming onto him, or like, I dunno, peg my sexuality wrong.”

“You interviewed Minseok about the guy you sensually made out with  just to _not_ hit on him?” Chanyeol furrowed his brows in confusion. “This makes literally no sense to me.”

“I want to get to know him!” Jongdae whined. “I thought we’d be pretty cool friends. Who maybe occasionally make out as bros.”

“I can’t tell if this is fragile masculinity or internalized homophobia.”

“Jeez, what an educated little man you’ve become in recent months.”

Chanyeol cleared his throat.

“Ah, sorry. You’ve become a really _woke_ person as of late,” Jongdae backtracked, “but I swear it’s none of those things. I mean, I guess I can be attracted to men sexually--”

“You _guess_ ,” Chanyeol mocked.

“Shut up. As I was saying, even if I can be attracted to men, I don’t think I could ever like them in a romantic sense. Like, maybe in the future? Though I highly doubt it.”

“Ohh,” Chanyeol trailed off, finally understanding where Jongdae was coming from. “I’m sure there’s a term for that. Anyway, you should check your messages!”

“Mmph,” Jongdae groaned with his mouth shut. “Soon.”

“Now.”

“ _Soon_.”

“Jongdae, I am seconds away from breaking those hentai DVDs you keep in your desk that you don’t think I know about.”

Jongdae’s eyes widened. “How did you find them?”

“You literally never close your desk drawers, Jongdae. Just check your messages. He probably hasn’t even answered anyway.”

“You know what, you’re right. I texted him something really small and stupid anyway.”

Chanyeol leaned in as he watched Jongdae take out his phone. “What did you write?”

“Something like, ‘hey, do you remember the guy you hooked up with during thirsty thurs? It was me, b-t-w, wanna hang or something?’ ...if I remember.”

“Could be worse, honestly,” Chanyeol admitted.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jongdae shouted into his phone, ignoring Chanyeol. “He answered _hours_ ago!”

“What does it say?”

Jongdae held out his phone for Chanyeol to take. Chanyeol didn’t miss the way Jongdae was grinning ear to ear and humming happily to himself, so he took it as a good sign.

 

**Junmyeon Kim (1):**

_Hi Jongdae(? Chen?)! Sorry I never told you my name the other night! When Minseok dragged you away, I thought I did something wrong. You’re super cute and I’d love to talk to you more, even as just buddies. What dorm do you live in, if you don’t mind me asking?_

 

Chanyeol snorted. “Buddies?”

“Leave him alone, he’s trying,” Jongdae whined. “Probably.”

“This is kind of cute actually,” Chanyeol studied Jongdae pouting face. “You rarely show this side of you.”

“Hmph.”

“Are you gonna answer?” Chanyeol pointed to the Messenger app. “You know he can see when you read the message, right?”

“Oh shit, you’re right!” Jongdae began to type out a message, before stopping just as quickly. “I have no idea what to say. Ah, whatever, fuck it!”

Chanyeol watched in amazement as Jongdae quickly typed a message out, not bothering to fix his typos. “You’re, uh, certainly going after him with confidence now suddenly.”

“I mean,” Jongdae started, “I’m not trying to flirt with him. I genuinely want to get to know him, and if he doesn’t like my real personality, then oh well.”

“It’s always that simple, huh?” Chanyeol murmured under his breath.

“Hm?” Jongdae turned to face him.

“Nothing,” Chanyeol dismissed with a wave of his hand and a smile. “I’m happy for you, though.”

“Nothing has even happened yet.”

“Still.”

“Roomie, you’re so sweet,” Jongdae pinched Chanyeol’s cheek. “I love ya.”

Chanyeol rubbed his cheek and grumbled. “I love you too.”

* * *

“When and where do you want our date to be?” Baekhyun caught Chanyeol off guard when he brought the question up in the middle of lunch by their friends. Baekhyun seemed to notice (it was hard not to when Chanyeol choked on his bowl of Lucky Charms, hacking up a little rainbow marshmallow in the process) and tried to jog his memory. “We said we would make plans last week after I did your makeup...?”

“You guys are going on a date?” Yixing spoke up. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks!” Baekhyun chimed, getting up out of his seat to hug Yixing. Chanyeol watched in amusement as Yixing squeezed Baekhyun’s hands and smiled up at him. He was surprised out of their entire friend group, Baekhyun befriended Yixing the fastest without Chanyeol’s influence.

“I guess we are,” Chanyeol smiled, his heart beating fast at the thought of his semi-relationship being public.

“You should take him bowling,” Yixing pointed at Chanyeol with his fork. “There’s a bowling alley less than a mile away off campus.”

“You bowl?” Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol, amusement painted all over his face.

Chanyeol opened his mouth to speak, but Jongdae was too fast. “Chanyeol’s been trying to form a bowling club on campus for over a year now,” he revealed, and Chanyeol threw his napkins at Jongdae to shut him up.

“Truly a multi-talented icon,” Baekhyun stated, half sarcastic, half in genuine awe. Everyone at the table laughed, and Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to feel shame or embarrassment after hearing their enjoyment.

“If dating Chanyeol came with an instruction manual,” Jongdae continued, “the first rule would be ‘take him bowling.’ The second would probably be about washing his laundry or something.”

“I’m getting better at remembering to do my laundry!” Chanyeol grumbled before turning to Baekhyun. “But yes, I do like bowling.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Then let’s go.”

“Now?” Chanyeol asked, taken aback.

“It’s Wednesday, right?” Baekhyun looked around the table for confirmation, then continued. “Besides my 8:00am, I don’t have any classes left for the day, so why not?”  
Chanyeol hummed as he replayed his schedule in his head. “I have a composition class at 10:00am, but that’s my only class of the day.”

“Second floor of the music hall and next to the mixing rooms, right?”

Chanyeol nodded.

“Great, see you then!” Baekhyun picked up his dirty plates and ran over to kiss Chanyeol on the temple, then promptly left.

“He’s like a burst of light, I swear,” Jongdae mumbled aloud. “You got a keeper.”

Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun put his dishes in the revolving dish line, and felt his heart flutter. Even if he was unaware of Baekhyun prior, there was no way Chanyeol wouldn’t have fallen for him anyway.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “I really do."

* * *

A few hours later, the school shuttle dropped Baekhyun and Chanyeol off in front of the bowling alley. Chanyeol would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t extremely excited, but he wanted to keep his cool for Baekhyun’s sake. Not that he needed to hide himself in front of Baekhyun.

“I wish I brought my own bowling shoes,” Chanyeol whined as he struggled to put on the $3.00 shoes they rented.

“You have your own?” Baekhyun turned to him, already finished tying his shoes up.

Chanyeol nodded. “And my own bowling balls.”

Baekhyun broke out in a crooked smile. “That is _too_ fucking cute. Oh my god, I should’ve brought my video camera here.”

“Hm?” Chanyeol hummed in question.

“This would’ve been perfect for one of my vlogs,” Baekhyun explained.

Chanyeol’s eyes widened at the thought of all of Baekhyun’s subscribers seeing him hang out with Baekhyun, Yoora included.

“Unless you maybe don’t want the publicity,” Baekhyun backtracked when he noticed Chanyeol’s expression.

Chanyeol shook his head back and forth furiously. “No, no, I’d love that actually!” He exclaimed. He never would’ve imagined that he would have the privilege to actually be on Baekhyun’s channel, even if he may or may not have thought about it in explicit detail before.

“Maybe I can just record stuff with my phone,” Baekhyun suggested. “Plus, I want to keep these memories, anyway.”

“Could you imagine if my sister was watching one of your vlogs and just saw me?” Chanyeol snorted. “She’d call me screaming about it.”

Baekhyun walked over to the wall with bowling balls and began to test out how they felt in his arms, and settled on an orange one. “Does she not know about…” he hesitated, unsure of how to label their relationship,  “...us?”

“I couldn’t bring myself to mention it, especially because…” Chanyeol licked his lips. “Well, she doesn’t know about my orientation or anything like that.”

Baekhyun gently grabbed Chanyeol’s wrist and guided him towards the bowling ball wall. “Listen, if she was more open to my makeup channel before you were originally, I’m sure she’ll be more than happy about it. Plus, I’ve talked _a lot_ about my sexuality in my own videos.”

Chanyeol sighed as he picked up a sleek black ball and juggled it between his two hands, testing its weight. “I should probably call her, honestly. It’s been a few weeks, and all I’ve done is text her.”

Baekhyun nodded, before his eyes lit up. “Let’s take a picture together and send it to her!”

“Wouldn’t that be like, a sudden shock or something?”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy more than anything,” Baekhyun placed his bowling ball down gently on the floor, careful to make sure it wouldn’t roll away. “I already said in my last video that I was seeing someone. I wonder if she’ll make the connection when she gets the selfie.”

“Oh my God, I haven’t seen it yet!” Chanyeol gasped loudly, making a few heads turn. “I completely forgot you’re still uploading!”

“Of course I am,” Baekhyun teased, “it’s my main source of income. Also, I figured you didn’t, considering you didn’t say anything about it to me. To be honest, I actually felt pretty insecure saying that,” Baekhyun’s voice lowered, “like, what if I like you more than me?”

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol apologized. “Though I’ll have you know there is no way you could ever like me more than I like you. It’s just… having you around in person is already more than enough for me.” He smiled warmly at Baekhyun. “I’m really honored you would do something like that.”

Baekhyun choked on his own spit upon hearing the kind words. He began to cough rapidly, and Chanyeol couldn’t help but laugh at the display. Maybe he should verbalize his appreciation for Baekhyun more often.

“Moving on, sweetie,” Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol once he finished his coughing fit, “selfie time. I’ll send these to you later, okay?”

Baekhyun scrolls through his camera apps filters, and picks a puppy filter. “Because we’re both cute puppies,” he explained as he positioned their faces closely together. Baekhyun takes about three photos, changing his pose and making different silly faces, then removed the filter. “Let’s take one without any filter on, too.” For that photo, Chanyeol surprised Baekhyun with a quick kiss to his cheek, right as Baekhyun tapped the shutter button.

“What was that for?” Baekhyun pouted. “I didn’t get time to appreciate it because it was so unexpected.”  
Chanyeol laughed. “For being you,” he tapped Baekhyun’s nose lightly and blew another kiss in his direction for good measure.

“You’re surprisingly open about PDA today,” Baekhyun observed as he turned his attention to the computer screen for bowling stats in front of him.

Chanyeol further fueled Baekhyun’s words as he draped his long body over Baekhyun’s, resting his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder so he could watch him type their names into the system.

“I just like reminding you how cute and nice you are,” Chanyeol mumbled into Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“I really appreciate it,” Baekhyun started, and the tone of his voice had Chanyeol wonder if he was acting a little _too_ affectionate, “but you’re not doing this because you pity me, right?”

Chanyeol recalled the severity of Baekhyun’s mental health and scrambled to right himself. “I only do this stuff because I want to!” He confirmed, maybe a little too quickly. “I’m a terrible liar, honestly, like… you would _know_ if I didn’t like you that much. I just thought maybe if I was a little more straightforward with my feelings towards you, you’d like that.”

Baekhyun nodded, taking in Chanyeol’s words, then smiled. “Having _you_ in person is already more than enough for me,” Baekhyun repeated Chanyeol’s statement from earlier.

“Augh, you’re just so much smoother than me,” Chanyeol groaned.

“They’re your words, not mine,” Baekhyun pointed out.

“I always forget how smooth you are,” Chanyeol shook his head. “Well, actually, I don’t because you’re always smooth.”

“Heheh,” Baekhyun laughed as he wiggled his way over to the bowling lane. “I’m going first, by the way.”

“Have fun getting one-upped by me!” Chanyeol jokingly remarked as he watched Baekhyun stutter and get a gutter ball. Of course, it had Chanyeol rolling on the floor, regardless of the fact that they were in public.

When it was Chanyeol’s turn to bowl, he easily knocked down most of the pins. Baekhyun clapped for him, impressed, but Chanyeol kicked the air in disappointment.

“I wanted to get a strike on the first try,” He whined in Baekhyun’s ear as he went to hug him. To no one’s surprise, he ended up getting a spare, but was still unsatisfied.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you as a perfectionist,” Baekhyun commented idly when it was his turn to bowl. He got all of the pins down except the two furthest ones, and decided to just knock down the one on the right. There was no way someone of his caliber could get a spare in this situation.

“I’m not really one,” Chanyeol began to explain as he switched places with Baekhyun, “but I always want you to see the best of me.”

“I like all aspects about you, and I wouldn’t expect you to always be perfect or okay,” Baekhyun reassured him as he watched Chanyeol get his first strike. Chanyeol rushed over to him with his hands open and out, and they high-fived. He never responded to Baekhyun’s kind words, but that was okay. He would show his appreciation in other ways.

 

Unsurprisingly, Chanyeol won the match, but not by a very wide gap.

“You’re a lot better than the rest of my non-bowling friends,” Chanyeol told Baekhyun after they returned their shoes and called the school’s shuttle so it could pick them up.

“Do you categorize all your friends into two categories: bowling and non-bowling?” Baekhyun joked.

“Ah, well, you’re not my friend.” Before Baekhyun could reply, Chanyeol continued. “You’re more than that.”

“Mhm,” Baekhyun nodded, looking like he had more to say.

“What’s up?” Chanyeol turned to him.

“It’s stupid,” Baekhyun shook his head.

“I’m sure it’s not,” Chanyeol said softly. “You can tell me anything.”

“I like that you view me as more than a friend, really,” Baekhyun’s hands shot up like he was being accused of something, “but I also view you as a friend.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol’s chest felt funny. “Do you view what we have as more platonic?”

“I didn’t say that,” Baekhyun backtracked. “I’m saying I view you as a friend, but _also_ something more.”

“I’m ready now,” Chanyeol blurted moments after Baekhyun finished speaking.

Baekhyun stared at him, but Chanyeol focused his attention on the ants crawling around his shoes.

“Ready for what?” Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol felt his body temperature rise, and he fidgeted at the feeling. “Baekhyun, do you...” he cleared his throat after it unexpected cracked, “Would you like to… Will you…. Oh, fuck it.” Chanyeol reached over to hug Baekhyun from his sides. “Baekhyun, I want to be your partner. I wanna take you out on cute dates and watch you create your videos and support your musicals. I want to write songs about you and perform them just for you, and I wanna be super gross and affectionate with you in public, just so absolutely everyone knows we’re together.” He paused to sigh and slightly back off of Baekhyun. “Will you date me, but formally this time?”

At that precise moment, the shuttle pulled into the parking lot. Chanyeol mumbled a quick “we have to go” and began to walk, but was stopped when Baekhyun grabbed his hand and turned him around quickly.

“Wh--” Chanyeol started to say, but was silenced when Baekhyun placed his hands on Chanyeol’s cheeks and kissed him.

“I’m glad you waited,” Baekhyun pulled away, and patted Chanyeol’s back. “You’re really cute when you’re flustered, by the way.”

 “So…” Chanyeol stared at him with hopeful eyes.

“Of course I want to date you, silly,” Baekhyun linked arms with Chanyeol as they made their way towards the shuttle. “I’m already working on filling out that agenda of yours, too. Expect many public kisses like the last one we just shared in the near future.”

Chanyeol let out a sound of complete and utter joy, and snuggled up on Baekhyun once they got on the shuttle. The shuttle driver mumbled something about “the beauty of young love,” and Chanyeol felt his heart flutter.

 

When Chanyeol arrived to his dorm, Jongdae was at his desk reading a disgustingly thick textbook on music theory. Chanyeol slammed his hand down on his chair to get his attention.

“Jesus, Chanyeol, I saw you walk through the door!” Jongdae whined.

“Baekhyun and I are official!” Chanyeol loudly announced, ignoring Jongdae’s complaints, who seemed to forget his slight annoyance once Chanyeol broke the news.

“Oh my God, did he finally ask you out?” Jongdae asked, putting his pen in his book and closing it.

Chanyeol shook his head and beamed. “I asked him!”

“Oh wow, I’m impressed,” Jongdae put Chanyeol in a gentle headlock and gave him a noogie, before releasing him and giving him a soft pat on the back. “You’ve really grown up a lot since last semester. I’m honestly really proud of you.”

Chanyeol smiled warmly. “Thanks, roomie. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Jongdae looked back at his desk, eyeing his work. “You know, we come here to learn and prepare for the future, but so much is happening right now to both of us. I feel like we should stop focusing so much on the future, and take time to enjoy the present as well, y’know? LIke, this reading isn’t even due for five days, and I’m studying it as if I have a test on it tomorrow. You used to look so far ahead that your anxiety would get the better of you, and you’d crash and burn before you would even start moving. Now though, I feel like you matured by staying in the now.” Jongdae paused to rub at the back of his neck. “I don’t really know. This reading is kind of intense, so maybe I’m in a bullshit headspace right now, but I’m just really happy as long as you’re happy.”

Chanyeol’s throat felt tight, like he needed to cry. Instead, he rushed into Jongdae’s arms and squeezed tightly. “Thank you so, so, _so_ much for always being there for me, and accepting everything about who I am. I swear, I’ll pay you back someday.”

Jongdae shook his head. “Not to get all sappy, but just seeing you happy is already more than enough for me. I mean that.”

Chanyeol’s grip on Jongdae only tightened. “You too,” he murmured into his neck. “And I mean that as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> junmyeon and jongdae are /not/ a couple, nor will they be... but theyre on the road to becoming friends! 
> 
> i hope you all have been doing well (^: i believe the next chapter will be the last, but without giving away too much, expect a semi-similar work of mine coming out sometime within the next month!  
> this chapter sucked the absolute soul out of me, so idk if im fully happy with it, especially considering i wrote it spastically over the course of nearly a month. sometimes i can just bust out 3k in one day, but with this, that just wasnt really an option. so im sorry if the pacing is a little weird!  
> im not 100% sure when the next update will be, but i really hope it wont take this long again;;

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](http://twitter.com/himchuan) • [tumblr](http://tatsmato.tumblr.com) • [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/cnu)  
> 


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